Tuesday, September 6, 2011 . 9/06/2011 12:54:00 PM
Dear B.L.I've known you since we were probably babies, since I can't even remember how we met, and that Mum had been going on and on about how she and your mother had been colleagues when they were pregnant with us.
I've always known you like this: the tall cocky boy who talks like a bullet-train. The genius who gets good grades. And the perfect cook.
Obviously, everything that I'm not.
To cut the story short, I hated you.
Every trip to your house, during or after the visit, I'll have lectures of
"See? B did his assessments himself."
"See, B has all Band 1s."
"You know, he taught his female classmate how to cook for her boyfriend."
"He's so good in both his English and Chinese."
"He scores XX for PSLE/O levels/A levels."
Needless to say, I resent being compared to you.
Really, it's pretty unfair I'm being compared to you. Since we live in an Asian society, and the fact that we're Chinese, it's unavoidable. Still, I hated it. Very much.
Wanna compare how different I am to you?
1. I'm a girl. You're a boy. (duh)
2. I'm a 91. You're a 90.
3. I'm quiet. You're really noisy.
4. You're tall. I'm, well, (not really) short.
5. You can cook. I'm not allowed to be in the kitchen.
6. You have ambitions. I have dreams.
7. You have fantastic grades compared to mine. All Band 1s compared to my Band 2s peppered here and there. A good xx points compared to my absymmal xx points for O levels. And since we can't exactly compare tertiary education grades, let's just say, you're heading for law school, while I AM a civil servant.
8. I guess this is the point that irks me, although we have no control over this. You have a happy family, while mine's... broken.
Really, even I can see I'm extremely jealous of you. You have a happy family, good grades, capability and a good life; everything I want and tried and couldn't get.
And maybe, on top of that, I was heartbroken that Mum had to compare me to you. It's like subtlely telling me she wanted me to be like you, the Perfect Child.
Well, that was years ago. My depressing years are over. I've accepted that I can't ever be like you, Boy Genius. Weeks ago, I got the courage to tell Mum I really hated being compared to you, and pointed that out. I'm sure she won't do it again. Then again, my complex isn't as bad anymore.
Really, you have a great environment to succeed. Our circumstances are different, but I'm working hard, and I'm sure you are too, so at least, we have some degree of suffering >.<
You're a big boy now. You're about to explore the world even more. I don't know you at all, but I'm sure your parents must have taught you to be your own person and I hope, at heart, you're a good person and not the monster that I saw for years. It's such a far cry from our younger selves when we could just play around and I would just follow you because you were older. I don't think we could ever be that close, since, well, you're a guy and I'm a girl (I'm sorry, this is a lousy excuse).
All the best to you and your pursuit of your ambitions, and hopefully, dreams. You'll forever been known as That Big Boy to me.
Yours sincerely,
Vi
p.s. This is a poorly written letter since my mind is still fuzzy from the lack of sleep due to the bloody insomnia I've been having for nights. I'm sincerely sorry about the load of rubbish up there that doesn't make any sense. I shall start a mission. I'm gonna write letters to significant people who have/had made significant impact in my life. Not that they're gonna read it. It's more for myself to accept these impacts and admire or forgive them.
Here goes...
