Thursday, September 30, 2010 . 9/30/2010 03:43:00 PM
There are many times you call out for help.
For those many times, you have only yourself for help.
That monthly time of the month tend to trigger stupid reactions out of me. Stupid reactions that include pointless crying, ferocious tempers, and terrible mood swings.
Doesn't help that I cried at parts of a movie that doesn't require crying (or it's still sad, but my friends aren't even tearing).
Doesn't help that I cried last night because I'm so tired of working and studying and worrying about money at the same time. Which rendered me unable to sleep.
DOESN'T HELP THAT A GROUP-MATE HAD TO WORK FOR AN EXTRA DAY AND WE HAD TO CHANGE THE MEETING TIME AGAIN!!
And it doesn't help with the news of my father attempting to fly back here is looming in this family. And I have to use my precious bursary, that's supposed to last me for months of allowance, to get him a ticket...
I'm trying not to hate my life. I want to love my life. I do love my life in some ways. In my mind, there's a battle between love and hate. It's that dramatic.
Right now, it's just trying to go through life as normally as before. Hanging out with friends are before. Fooling around with my brothers to keep the spirits up. And talking to people to... make myself happy.
'Cause when I'm alone, I sink into the bottomless pit of depression.
Today, I got back that fluttery feeling in my chest.
That same feeling I've lost a while ago.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010 . 9/29/2010 03:33:00 PM
I now know to sleep before 1am.The result of me sleeping at 2am this morning (blame my bro for not doing his dishes the night before, before he went out): I can barely dragged myself out of bed at 12 noon!! When I had to meet a Panda at 1.30pm!
I'm sleepy. Didn't get my cup of tea this morning because of the rush. And my stupid project isn't making any sense right now, because the equations don't, well, equate.
If tonight's solution doesn't work, I'll have to make my way to school tomorrow to get certain information. Or consult my supervisor. Just hoping I won't have to turn to the latter.
This project is getting rather draggy, and it's kinda pointless, since it really is the same as before. While everyone else have something.
Okay, now is not the time to complain. I chose my path. I should finish it. And I'll admit, my group mates are good in their ways. They're great. So I really shouldn't complain too much. If I should complain... maybe not here. If not I'll get expelled.
I'm back to being sleepy. Maybe I should just finish the chapter of the story I just dreamt about.
Monday, September 27, 2010 . 9/27/2010 02:04:00 PM
I hate when people lie.
I hate it when I lie.
I hate lies.
I hate liars.
And after just typing it in my search engine, the term "Vampire Boom" does exist.Seriously, I blame Twilight and Princess Diaries for the poor literary world right now.
I've been going to libraries for as long as I can remember. And for as long as I can remember, I've never left the library without borrowing books (unless I don't have the appropriate bag to carry them). Until now.
Now, the books I browse through have summaries that resembles that of books written by Meg Cabot (yes, I adored her when I was younger, till I realized she relied on the same plots for success) and Stephanie Meyer.
Oh the horrors of Twilight.
The shelves in POPULAR, Times and BORDERS are full of books about vampires and werewolves. Reviews on these books usually start with, "Twilight meets X" or "You'd think this is another Twilight knock-off, BUT..." bullshit.
I swear if I picked up another vampire or werewolf (or alien or ghosts or fairies or whatever's on that line), it'll be because the plot attracts me with something that's different from the "Insecure/Nice/Bella Girl-meeting-Gorgeous/Hot/Pretty-Boy-there-goes-the-SICKENINGLY-and-OVERLY-ROMANTIC-story-plot-that-always-ends-with-the-guy-sucking-her-neck-and-them-making-out".
This decade should be called the Vampire Boom era. Every publishing and production firms are cashing in on the Vampire Boom and abandoning what we call 'creativity'.
Heck, even my anime website has a genre named "Vampires".
And one more line: Vampires (and werewolves and fairies, etc.) don't exist. (I think ghosts and aliens exist though.)
Sunday, September 26, 2010 . 9/26/2010 11:02:00 AM
When you come from a broken family, family dramas will happen.My mum has a lot of animosity with all my grandparents, except Grand-dad, her stepfather, who lives in the country above. Yes, even her own mother.
So she definitely hates it when I visit my grandparents. She'll contradict herself first. She'd say, "Go visit your grandparents. I don't want to think I'm a bad person and don't allow you kids to go see them."
And when the visiting's done, she'll be a bitch and start criticising them, and scolding me for no reason.
Hey, I'm just doing my job as a granddaughter. My stupid brothers are refusing to do so, and my cousins live on the other end of the country, so I'm trying to lessen my grandparents loneliness by talking to them. It doesn't help that they're both ill.
Just last night, they gave us some bread. No one wanted to eat them this morning, except me. So Mum scolded me for bringing them home and all.
Think it's easy rejecting my grandparents? Think it's easy to explain why my brothers aren't coming over? Think it's easy living with a mum who hates them?
There's so much pressure there. Tonight, I'm not gonna go home. I mean it.
Well, as you can see, I've decided to change my blogskin.
Believe me, it was hard. I have this set of criteria that goes like this in my mind:
1. No pink.
2. No black. Or rather, not too much of it.
3. Nothing depressing, emo, dark, or anything along that line.
4. Nothing too cute, happy, girly or anything along that line.
5. Nothing too messy.
6. Nothing too plain.
7. No cats.
And well, I was looking for a layout different to the ones I'd used previously.
And when I started searching, I ended up with a diary theme in mind, since my blog is my diary.
So now, I've ended up with this blogskin, which kinda goes against no. 1, 4, and 7. Well, a little. But I liked it, though not as much as my own blogskin before.
I'm still a little apprehensive about it. And because of it, I won't be surprised if I actually change this blogskin in a matter of months.
I actually really liked this blogskin, but then when I looked at it closely, I realised its a blogskin meant for couples. Really saddened by it.
Oh wells~ That's life.
And by the way, don't bother exploring the other parts of the blog. They're still under construction.
Saturday, September 25, 2010 . 9/25/2010 03:36:00 PM
Damnit!
I'm so frustrated!
Frustrated with the father.
Nervous about results next week
Frustrated with my final year project.
Nervous about this fragile crush of mine.
Frustrated about my money problems.
Nervous about what to do next...
Life is not good now.
I had a haircut yesterday. Though till now, my dear brothers haven't noticed yet. Well, I only had about an inch off and re-shaped my fringe.
I'm so bloody hungry, angry and lonely now. My entire family had left me at home to probably get a fantastic breakfast while I was sleeping (they probably think I was gonna wake up at 1, but hello, I sleep at 10+ last night!). And I'm really hungry and there's nothing to eat in this house right now.
Okay, I'm obviously in a bad mood. Usually, that above scenario doesn't make me pissed. It's probably PMS. It's also probably because I found out last night that some idiot father of mine is trying to raise money to come back here.
Fine. Half of me wants him to come back because my grandparents are worried sick, and I do want him to find a proper job back here.
And well, the other half wants to stay far far FAR away from him.
It's not that I'll become hostile when I'm near him. In fact, I'm still the 'respectful' girl. It's just that having to act polite and 'normally' disgusts me.
I guess me and having a normal family is not meant to be.
Friday, September 24, 2010 . 9/24/2010 03:18:00 AM
I wish I can most people's ability of hitting the bed and falling asleep immediately, instead of my ability of lying in bed and staring at the ceiling for hours without having a wink of sleep.
I'm dead tired. Really exhausted. Yet I'm not falling asleep. I'm already heading to bed earlier these days so I can get my body to adjust its biological clock. Apparently, it isn't working very well.
I really need to get back to bed...
FriendsMichael W. Smith
Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
To live as friends...
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
No, a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
Labels: friendships, lyrics
Wednesday, September 22, 2010 . 9/22/2010 01:10:00 AM
My dream is to write something that will make people cry.Cry because they are moved.
My dream is to be a good wife and mother.
So I can have the family I couldn't have.
And my children don't grow up the way I do.
My dream is to teach.
To inspire.
To bring out and spread the good of people.
To lessen the darkness in our hearts.
My dreams. My goals~
What's yours?
It's obvious, isn't it?
It's pretty obvious.
Heck, it's EXTREMELY obvious.
But I can't seem to act on this seemingly obvious scene.
Maybe it's time not to be so obvious?
What kind of sense am I making?
I don't want to assume.
"Never assume the obvious is true."
~ William Safire
Saturday, September 18, 2010 . 9/18/2010 11:50:00 PM
I am so freaking tired. So freaking tired the headache's quite unbearable.
The only reason why I'm not sleeping is because my stomach has food that refuse to digest. And I know if I sleep like that, it'll be a painful experience to sleep anyway. Well, there's another reason...
Anyway, I just feel a need to write. There's no reason for this entry. I'm just typing without an aim, without a theme, without any logic.
These few days, I've been thinking of taking up another tuition job. Well, I'll have to find a student first. Well, thinking of teaching English, 'cause that's something that will not really change. I need the money. My father's MIA in some part of China, and my allowances isn't coming in, and my current tuition job is paying peanuts.
But it feels so tiring. Studying, working, housework... But when I think of money, I just have to do it. No wonder I get sick so many times this year. No choice though. That's the consequences of having an extremely irresponsible father. And being poor.
Oh wells~ That's life.
I really can't complain when everyone else in my family is trying to earn their own money too.
Thursday, September 16, 2010 . 9/16/2010 11:25:00 PM
I've said this many many MANY times. I'm not the world's most religious person.
But today, my prayers have been answered.
I've been worry about money. And mind you, it's not the same way that most teenagers worry about money.
Anyway, I'd received my answers in a form of an SMS, then an email.
I should thank God, thank my friends and maybe the school. It's a huge relief!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010 . 9/15/2010 12:31:00 AM
My last paper tomorrow. It's so nervewrecking, my stomach is hurting (as usual), and I'm reciting the Lord's Prayer for comfort. Even if from time to time I don't believe in Him.
I'm thinking of all the things I'll be doing after the exam tomorrow.
Class outing... I'm thinking of my poor appetite now...
Then maybe head down to the salon and cut off the two inches of hair I've been complaining about.
Then head off for work. I really hope the boy will be good. I won't be in the mood.
And I need to get my first bubble tea in ages... How about KOI?
Then I'll have to think how much money I have in my wallet. My pay really isn't enough to sustain me... And I don't think that blasted father of mine is gonna send any again this month.
Heading to bed now...
Jiayou, Gambatte, Hwaiting, Vi!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010 . 9/14/2010 06:39:00 PM
I promise after tomorrow's last paper, I won't cry.
It'll be embarrassing.
It doesn't help most of the guys will think low of that action.
Well, tears are weakness in a man's eyes.
Hopefully, icecream after that will help me tide over for the rest of my busy day tomorrow.
I'm going through one of the worst years in my years of studying. It's probably the worst anyway.
I know the reason. I know my flaws.
I have no interest.
I'm super lazy to actually pick it up and study on my own.
Math really isn't a strong point of mine.
Logic don't come to me that easily.
I'm stupid.
I just don't like studying.
I don't like the way I deal with things too.
I'm really prepared to stay for another semester.
But I don't think I can ever prepare the consequences of not graduating with everyone else.
I've been observing my tracker for months.
Okay. I'm not so particular about the number of visitors, since this blog is for me to express myself, and readers are the bonuses from it.
Well, as I said, I've been looking at my records for my tracker, and for quite a while now, there's this mysterious devoted reader. One who checks out my blog about two times a day, on average... I think. One who uses an iPhone... Or iTouch. Well, if you're freaked out about your identity, don't worry. I have no heck of an idea who you are other than the facts that I've stated above.
But I'm lying if I'm said I'm not curious about your identity.
... What if it's Mummy?? Horrors!
Labels: pictures
Monday, September 13, 2010 . 9/13/2010 12:37:00 AM
OH. MY. FREAKING. GOSH.
I just lost my ability to think.
OH. MY. GOSH.
I can't get over it.
OH. GOSH.
Don't think I can go through tomorrow without blushing.
GOSH.
Where's my guy dictionary??!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010 . 9/12/2010 09:22:00 PM
Stress~
I'm so stressed my head is hurting and pounding like crazy.
But seeing that I've been stressed before and survived, this will probably add up to nothing.
I really hate exams. Hate them so much. Whoever likes, loves and enjoys exams, you earn my admiration. Because I absolutely abhor them. So much I wish to tear my lectures notes and tutorials into pieces and disintegrate them by fire and send those ashes into the ocean.
Tears haven't fall yet, which is a good sign. But nothing is in my head, despite the hours put into studying. I'm feeling as useless as ever.
Yeah, I'm wasting time by writing this, but I need this. I need to write. I need to vent. If not, I'll go crazy. Condemn me if you want. Just make sure I don't see or hear it.
And damn it. This headache is really draining me.
This really isn't the most painful exam studying experience at all. Yet, there is a big lump of fear in me. Of failure. Yes, failure. It's the human fear of failure. Well, usually I'm not so afraid of it. But I can't afford to fail. And that last sentence is said in a literal sense.
Mum's CPF is depleting, with two poly-going kids. Dad's CPF is pathetic. And I definitely don't have enough to go about. Last resort, I'll probably have to dig into my savings accounts to pay for school fees. Those money which I've saved, money which I've gotten from years of academic and participative achievements and money which I've gotten from years of Chinese New Year.
Sighs... I hate talking about money. It's like the root of all evils and headaches.
And because of a recent incident, I shall emphasize a point of mine here. Guys with money are not attractive to me. Personalities matters more. So I get pretty irked out when guys pursue girls with expensive gifts, and the girl totally gets awkward. And get this. Majority of girls don't like or want this experience at all.
Today really isn't a good day.
All the time that I was out, I was surrounded by happy families.
Specifically, fathers attending to daughters. Mothers looking on.
I teared up a little seeing these kind of things, since I can't remember that experience. And probably will never experience anyway.
But since I was in public, in the train, and these are people that I don't know, so no, crying wasn't an option.
And gosh... the studying. I'm feeling so suffocated by it. And literally, I'm finding it hard to breathe. Had to do those breathing exercise to get my breath back.
Panic attacks are scary.
And what is the significance of tightening feeling of the cheeks? Especially in the cheekbone area. It's a rather recent problem and extremely uncomfortable. I hope it's not another allergy. I have too many allergies to count already.
Saturday, September 11, 2010 . 9/11/2010 09:02:00 PM
Damn.
I miss my piano.
Friday, September 10, 2010 . 9/10/2010 03:35:00 AM
Just had another heart-to-heart talk with one of my best guy friends. Well, this friend of mine apparently has a lot of good girl friends.
Did my life change for the better? That's what I just realised.
I used to be such a pessimist. I mean, I still am, but not to the extent of before.
I used to have terrible mood swings. Now, it happens... I can't remember the last time that happens. Haha.
I used to be able to mope for days and days in depression, now my limit is just one day, and I'll be like, "Heck lah!" or, if I permit myself to, "Fuck lah!" And have a brighter next day.
I used to not be able to talk to guys properly. This friend just told me how sian he felt talking to me, as though he was talking to a wall, and he was talking too much. Today, when I met him [and some of our friends], I'm talking with the flow of a never-ending river. He said I have improvement. Haha. And I managed to get many many of my past flaws out. Glad that I've changed somewhat for the better.
Well, he's one of those friends whom I have great respect for. He's honest (well, I am too) and somewhat super direct in his words. That's when you get the truth in his eyes. And he really has solid advice which I take seriously most of the time.
Well, he may be the joker of the group, but I think he really is the most mature out of the four of us. We should call you Big Brother! Well, you're already the head prefect though. Haha.
When It's TimeGreen Day
Words get trapped in my mind
Sorry I don't take the time to feel the way I do
'Cause the first day you came into my life
My time ticks around you
But then I need your voice
As the key to unlock
All the love that's trapped in me
So tell me when it's time
To say I love you
All I want is you to understand
That when I take your hand
It's 'cause I want to
We are all born in a world of doubt
But there's no doubt
I figured out
I love you
All I want is you to understand
That when I take your hand
It's 'cause I want to
We are all born in a world of doubt
But there's no doubt
I figured out
I love you
And I feel lonely for
All the losers that will never take the time to say
What was really on their mind instead
They just hide away
Yet they'll never have
Someone like you to guard them
And help along the way
Or tell them "when it's time?, to say I love you"
So tell me "when it's time?, to say I love you"
Labels: lyrics
Monday, September 6, 2010 . 9/06/2010 02:28:00 AM
Damn.
I can't sleep.
Sunday, September 5, 2010 . 9/05/2010 06:07:00 PM
I'm afraid.
Afraid of those lecture notes on my table.
Afraid of those questions on previous exam papers.
Afraid of failing my exams.
Afraid of being having to repeat a module.
It's scary...
I'll admit, I'm a little freaked out by what I'm feeling and doing these days. No, a little is an understatement. I'm TOTALLY GAZILLIONLY FREAKED OUT WITH MYSELF!!
It's just a crush. Are crushes meant to be like that? Yeah, I think they do. But all my previous crushes don't reduce me to the mush that I'm feeling inside, the smiles and giggles that erupts on my face, and being all happy and all when I'm that stubborn lil' pessimist.
I'm not pretty, not even attractive. I'm not the most outgoing person out there, nor am I the most intelligent or brave. I like to wear short skirts (with safety shorts, of course) because it makes me feel feminine, when I'm not exactly very, and because my legs are my only good physical asset.
No guy will really like me in that way.
If my tagboard was still up, it'll be bombarded by my 'dearest Daddy and Mummy', the good-for-nothings who 'loves' me too much for their own good. Who knows? They could be reading this, but what else can they do other than gossip about me to themselves? Read: I don't care.
I want to believe. That a guy out there will like me for who I am. And I will like him for who he is. I... will be careful, I guess. I just don't want to end up like my parents, who had several reckless decisions and actions. Mum is already glad that I'm reaching the age that she got married and haven't had a single boyfriend yet, but I'm not exactly feeling the same way. How about declaring to people that, "I haven't had a date in my ENTIRE teenage life?"
Haha, I know. It's rather immature to think in that way. But I do worry. 'Cause I won't be able to experience something that most teenager do. Even my YOUNGER brothers have gone through them. And I shall emphasize, them.
I'm still really freaked out by myself.
But there isn't anyone out there who can give me some real advice. It's different, in a way.
And I needed to vent!
Okay, I shall not dwell too much on this issue. Yet.
I shall wait until the exams are over before I pursue this issue. If I'm even courageous enough to do that.
I shall... not think too much. I think too much sometimes.
Crush
David Archuleta
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush
What a rush
'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much
Just too much
Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized
So mesmerized
And I've just got to know
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you?
Are you holding back
Like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going
Away
Going away
Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging,
Spending time, girl, are we just friends
Is there more
Is there more
See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this
Into something that'll last
Last forever
Forever
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you?
Are you holding back
Like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going
Away
Going away
Why do I keep running from the truth
(Why do I keep running)
All I ever think about is you
(All I ever think about)
You got me hypnotized
(Hypnotized)
So mesmerized
(mesmerized)
And I've just got to know
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you?
Are you holding back
Like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going
Away
Going away
Going away
Going away
Labels: lyrics
Saturday, September 4, 2010 . 9/04/2010 05:12:00 PM
You know, despite the reassurances I keep getting from people about my insecurities about passing my exams, I'm still nervous.
I don't do good like that.
I mean, I opened my lecture notes, and I have no heck of an idea what the words are trying to tell me.
I'm a goner.
Guys are annoying. Noisy guys are even more annoying. Egoistic guys are the MOST annoying of all.
Well, that's my conclusion. But it doesn't exactly stop me from liking the opposite sex (Or Mummy might be devastated at the fact that I might become a lesbian. Not that it's bad thing either. Hey, I'm more open-minded).
Guys are annoying. Even some of my best guy friends.
Let's see. I shall only describe two of them, since they're the closest ones I have.
There's the Joker, Manton. For nearly the whole decade that I've known him, he's one of the noisiest guys... EVER!! Although he's not exactly THAT irritating (Hey, I can never forget the prank you and Michelle decided to pull on me and Mr. Pilot). When he was young (and cuter), he always walked around flipping his hair like some hair ad model. Always crack stupid jokes, that even Mr. Chan got exasperated. Always the one that caused our group to get our points deducted. And ALWAYS declaring how you're the most HANDSOME guy around.
You may be annoying, but you're one of the most sensible guys I know. And have somewhat quite a bit of common sense in you. And the charm! Gosh! How many girls have fallen for you over the years? And yet not a girlfriend in sight! I'm amazed!
Then there's Mr. Pilot. Or Mr. Taekwondo. Or Rich Man. But my mum told me it's rude to refer people like that, so... Mr. Pilot... since you're obsessed with your flying (and I don't know whether you owned a plane or not). He can be really annoying with his speech. I can't really describe this. His mouth will always pop out several jargons and it's kinda annoying. Comparing with me, yeah, I know my English is good, but I prefer to speak in my Singlish-tinted accent. It's more comfortable, despite the years at the convent school, NEXT to YOUR house.
And sometimes, the annoying thing is... your lack of common sense. I shall not elaborate further, so as not to hurt anymore of your pride. And sometimes, your extreme boldness is something that both irritate and amaze me. The way you pursue girls... Okay, maybe other girls might like that, but please don't ever do that to me. And please don't, you and I know we're not interested in each other other than the platonic way, despite THAT STUPID PRANK the MC twins pulled.
Well, despite the bashing on these two guys, don't worry guys, I still love you two. In the platonic way, of course. It's comforting and fun. And I never fail to be impressed by the gentlemanly act that you always showed to the two of us girls, whenever we hang out. Opening the doors and letting us go first, walking us home... that seems to be lacking these days.
I could give you two hugs, but you won't let me. LOL! Thanks for being the two annoying but great guy friends that I have. Even if we don't meet that often. Well, see you guys and Michelle soon!! And please, I can't afford the overseas trip!!
Friday, September 3, 2010 . 9/03/2010 07:12:00 PM
I'm really grateful he always initiates the conversation.
It's not like I can't, but I'll be in such a wrecks of nerves that I can't even click on his name. But everytime I see that blinking tile window on my toolbar, there's always that glee in my flip-flopping heart.
Okay, I'm being over-dramatic. But that's how I feel anyway.
Can't help it. ~Smiles~
Thursday, September 2, 2010 . 9/02/2010 09:30:00 PM
I was so angry with myself. So damn bloody angry with myself that I couldn't eat (Well, it's half true, since I'm not exactly well today).
Well, I had to throw those feelings aside until my presentation was done. Thank God the presentation was fairly smooth. I think we're the only group which he didn't really ask a question. I think. I can't remember.
Anyway, I'm just glad I'm not my old self. I'm sure this bad mood will continue for days and days.
I need all the optimism this picture gives.
And I see 2 Mickeys! :D
Labels: pictures
Wednesday, September 1, 2010 . 9/01/2010 01:48:00 AM
I behave like a child when I can, because most of the time, I can't.
I've lost my childhood in memories I wish not to remember.
I wish to oppose, but it is not meant to be done, for she has endured far too much.
I can only stay in silence... To bear witness to what lays ahead.
I can't do a thing. Can't change a thing. Can't be a thing.
There is no tear, though the heart breaks.
The agony is far more than spread, but it is farther more hidden in the bleak of darkness.
I'm bounded, suffocated, exhausted. No escape exists.
If grown-ups are not to be trusted, then there is no one for me.
It's hard and heavy to be the pessimist, but an optimist I can't be.
I wish to pray, but there is no god for me.
There is only the heavens above, where the sun, the moon and the stars reside for me to take heart.
By the heavens, where the sun, the moon and the stars reside...
I pray.
