Wednesday, June 30, 2010 . 6/30/2010 02:47:00 AM
It's been a while since I cried. Full-blown crying. The last time that happens, it would be during the end-of-semester exams, and I usually can't take the stress.
It's not a proud fact that I'm known as a crybaby, despite the fact that I'm usually the 'counselor' or 'mother' among my friends. I'm emotional about many things, yet it's hard to me to 'feel' for it.
I think I have better control of my tear glands now, but it still doesn't rule out that I might just still cry in public (which is usually in the toilet). But I think it's also quite a bad thing.
Crying is a way of de-stressing. I don't know about what other people say, but it's been proven anyway. When I cry, I feel I've let go some sort of burden within myself. It's like I've loosen the tightness that would've continue to tighten itself within me while I criticise myself.
Now that I can't cry, I feel like what's inside it choking me. I'm in my own personal space, yet I can't let go. I'm being really hard on myself, and despite attempts to encourage myself, I tend to disappoint and reprimand myself again and again.
I'm not sure whether I can be as happy and carefree as when I was a little girl, but right now, I just want to be as stress-free as possible. I know it's impossible to be stress-free, and a little stress is proven to be good, but I don't want to feel like the ground below the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010 . 6/29/2010 10:18:00 PM
I've been known for my dislike for the other half of the human species. So I thought I'd compile brief thoughts of my life on the male species.
Kindergarten: "They're bullies!"
Primary School: "They're idiots."
Secondary School: "They're non-existent."
Polytechnic: "They're pretty ugly creatures on the inside."
I wonder why I still have crushes on them...
Well, not all of them are bad eggs. I've got some great friends from the other side, and they're at least gentlemen.
How I wish I can faster graduate and help Mum lessen her financial burdens. Or at least drop out of school, since I'm not doing well in the first place, but that will NEVER happen, since Mum will kill me first.
I'll probably feel extremely down this week, despite the 'smile' on my face. All due to my academic results. Now, I just pray I can graduate. I can't see it, really.
I've never been so pessimistic about my academic life...
Monday, June 28, 2010 . 6/28/2010 10:23:00 PM
Today is a TERRIBLE start of the day.
Too many things I learned today, and I don't refer to academic stuff.
Too many bad news to actually enjoy coming back to school. Who even enjoys coming back to school after ad pathetically short holiday?
Too many things which are needed to do after the first day.
But then, there were a source of entertainment to amuse me...
Like seeing an England-fan-of-a-lecturer get distracted by a classmate's Germany-manicured nails while she was trying to describe her question with her P&ID. Just after England lost 4-1 to Germany the night before. So much she has to use tissue to cover her fingers.
I need to sleep now. I gotta continue some parts of this assignment after this... I'm dying.
Sooner or later, students, especially this one over here, might collapse due to heart failure or heart attack or brain aneurysm or anything along those lines of sudden death.
Sunday, June 27, 2010 . 6/27/2010 11:57:00 PM
Okay. Today is Sunday. According to my computer clock, it's 3 minutes away to being Monday. I'll probably used that precious now-two minutes to write my short entry.
I survived a Thai food dinner with my family and some of Mum's colleagues and their families.
And I went to Universal Studios. I didn't get to go for any of the rides, since it's a night special or something, during the school holidays. Even if I didn't go for the rides, it's still a rather awesome place. There's so many places to take photos with.
Well, there's not much to describe though. Wait for the photos to see what I mean:)
That aside, I probably won't be able to tiptoe tomorrow, nor move my right wrist too much. Sad.
I just fell in the bathroom... and injured myself in various parts of the body.
Seriously, most people fall and hurt their butts, but I just have get a huge and rather deep gash/scratch/a little like cut on my wrist, as well as sprained it a litte, since it's a little hard for me to type properly. And I felt my big toe bend a little more than usual, so it's kinda throbbing at this moment. And obviously, my butt hurts T-T
I must be feeling real down to be reading about deaths of Japanese celebrities...
Why am I feeling down? I don't even know myself... the 'wonders' of PMS...
Saturday, June 26, 2010 . 6/26/2010 05:08:00 PM
Finally! The manga that I'm pursuing updated! After nearly half a year!!
I'm happy!!! :D
What a lazy Saturday... We're all in various parts of the living room, eyes stuck to our various laptops.
Various talks about the current World Cup is discussed, without us moving. So does various talks about recent celebrity news. As with various current affairs.
Then Mum decided she wanted to go on a Genting trip with the family, to my reluctance. We ended up negotiating to staying in the country with a booking of a chalet instead.
Back to having a lazy afternoon... and a busy night.
A friend posted on facebook that he'd never understood the meaning of "family" since the day he was born.
This sentence, I thought, was very sad, to me.
It's probably the anger within that brought that friend to declare that, 'cause I don't think we could live properly without a family.
I love my family. That's a fact. That's also a fact for everyone else who has and grew up with one.
They are the people who flock in when everyone else, even friends, walks out. They are the people who has an extremely special bond that you can't ever sever. They are the people who provide the warmth and love to you when you feel unloved.
Simply, they are my whole world. Without them, there is no world for me to exist. I'm serious.
Cold wars in families are often. I've witnessed and have been the centre of countless fights and quarrels and silent treatments, and each time, it'll be all right. Mum will 'forget' and give in, and I'll thaw myself to her again. My brothers will make me laugh to clear my anger, or offer some food or drinks they can get their hands. It happens.
I'm close to my family (except my father, for obvious reasons), so close that once, my classmates actually complained that I talked too much about my family. Well, that's me.
Families are a source of warmth and love, as I said before. No doubt there will be some sort of favouritism going on (that's to another friend), your parents will definitely still love you a lot. I've always felt guilty about taking away quite a bit of my parents' attention from my brothers because I'm the only girl and I was always academically better than them (who knows? They could be going to universities in the future?). That's why I always try to be nice to them, and help them in whatever way I can. It can be hard, since we're still siblings, and we do have sibling fights, but as I said, it'll be fine in a while.
I could go on and on about how lucky I am to be in a supportive family, despite it's many grievances and misfortunes, but I'm extremely tired and my eyes are threatening to close really fast, and I know there are several grammatical mistakes in this rather long entry.
I am not a close friend to that friend, hence, it's not my place to tell him this how I feel about that comment directly. So I just threw whatever I'm feeling into this blog entry.
Maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions... those kind of comments have that kind of impact on me, but I sincerely hope that all goes well.
I'll pray for you.
Labels: quotes
REBECCA!!
YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON IN MORE THAN 6 MONTHS TO COMMENT IN MY TAGBOX!!
Oh yeah... YAY, GERMANY!! [I'm still amazed I got sucked into the FIFA fever.]
Friday, June 25, 2010 . 6/25/2010 05:57:00 AM
I was bored, so I was surfing the net when I came across this local website, which was so interesting (well, for a typical girl or woman), I read a couple of their pages.
Then I remembered that checklist thing I did with a song back in my old blog, so I decide to do it here again, this time not with a song, but some list that someone created, and I'm just tallying against it.
Here are 11 signs that can tell you if you are really falling in love.
1.When you’re on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, but you already started missing them even it just a few minutes.
I don't have his number. But I could agree with the 2nd half of the sentence...
2. You read their SMS texts over and over again.
Ditto:( But if he does message, it will happen.
3. You walk really slowly when you’re with them and just hope the time could be paused at that moment.
Maybe?
4. You feel shy but comfortable whenever you’re with them.
Extremely shy but act not shy (wth, I know), but still true.
5. Every time you think about them, your heart beats faster and faster.
Extremely.
6. You smile and immediately search for them when you hear their voices.
Yup (>.<)
7. When you look at them, you can’t see the other people around them, all that is in your vision is him/her.
It's like I'm zooming in on him? Yes, that is correct.
8. You start listening to slow songs, while thinking of them.
I listen to songs everyday, but I start to pay attention to lyrics that's kinda in my situation.
9. You think of them every single second and just hope they will just appear in front of you.
All the time, even if I know that person won't appear, I just pray he'd appear. Well, it happened a few times anyway:)
10. You get high just from smelling their scent.
I don't think I'm that lucky yet:(
11. You realize that you’re always smiling to yourself when you think about them.
Absolutely! Grinning like an idiot, GUILTY!
So what's your verdict for me?
a) Stop wasting your time on having crushes.
b) You'll always have my support.
c) Creepy, this girl. She's like an obsessed stalker (A/N: So not true!)
d) Whatever.
Sometimes, I wonder, what is it that girls see in bad boys?
Really, it's a mystery to me, even if I was once guilty of crushing on one (well, it depends whether you want to see him as a bad boy or good boy, but to me, especially the super crude language and horrid attitude, I'd go with the former).
I'll go with good guys. But who knows what the future holds?
Love loves to play games with me.
Thursday, June 24, 2010 . 6/24/2010 04:53:00 PM
My head is pounding like crazy, and I still have to drag myself out of bed so I could do my FYP later.
I can't believe I actually got so excited watching a soccer match. Maybe that's the last time that will happen. Not happening again. It's bad for my sleep.
But I'm admitting, some of Germany's guys are really good-looking>.
And I'm not interested in England.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010 . 6/23/2010 08:54:00 AM
Today is...
one of those very EXTREMELY few times I woke up on my own at this time of the day, willingly, without the need to rush to school later.
Last night was...
one of those few nights I came home just before midnight (that's considered extremely late for me, so... yeah), that Mum had to call me just to make sure I was on my way home.
Yesterday morning was...
one of those frustrating mornings when I had to see a lecturer for a discussion, and the previous group's discussion was so long that I became extremely nervous, thinking they must be good, because our group has nothing to show. And when we finally went in (After more than an hour), the first sentence he said was, "You must show me some substance before you come in." Which has quite a lot of irony which I shall not elaborate. Just last week he told me, "Don't make history by being the first FYP group I fail." Shows how much confidence he have in our group. I'm extremely demoralised.
Oh yeah. I was late for my lunch with my p.sch. mates because of him:(
Yesterday afternoon was...
a rather adventurous afternoon. We cooked a meal. An extremely salty (and sweet meal). It wasn't that bad, really. I'd much rather salty than any other taste, since they're the most tolerable to me. But seeing the guys make so much effort cooking while us girls look on is rather hilarious. Well, our dishes are much simpler to cook (or bake, for my girl pal's case). It's better for me not to cook so extravagantly anyway ~smiles~. I had fun with the host's piano, and not so much fun with the wii. I'm not so great at console games. And I prefer PS anyway. Nice talk with Mr. Gentleman while he accompany me while I wait for my bus to come. It's... nice, and rather nostalgic, since I haven't had a heart-to-heart talk with a guy since I became estranged with a best friend of mine. Both guys that I met up with yesterday are friends I'd like to keep for life:)
Yesterday evening was... rather relaxing, especially when I go shopping with this particular girl. When we go shopping, I usually have a hard time keeping up with her, since I don't really have a love for shopping. I managed to get some stuff I need too, but it's disappointing when I can't get some stuff I want, because they're way way WAAAAAAAAAAY over my budget. Poor girl needs to keep to budget. And as usual, I spent the rest of the time after that at her house. Her house is like my second home already. We have different interests (or language) of music, so last night was kind of some introductory session to our music. Or rather, me sending her more J-music, while she sends me a few of some good music I heard back at our shopping area.
Last night... I was happy. Giddily happy. Really extremely giddily happy. So extremely really giddily while hilariously happy that I had a sound sleep, when for the past two weeks, I've been having a really bad bout of insomnia. And not sleep or wake up at an unearthly hour. No worries that I'm behaving like an idiot. No worries that I'm not myself for a night. No worries that I feel like an ordinary girl. I'm really happy.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010 . 6/22/2010 02:12:00 AM
As a little girl, I've always wanted to learn how to dance.
Back when I had piano classes when Yamaha was back at Suntec City, while waiting for lessons to start, I'd stare at other little girls in baby pink leotards and tights at the other studio, getting ready for their ballet lessons.
During my teenage years, I did realise that dancing is not in my blood. I am extremely inflexible, to the point of ALMOST not being able to pass my physical fitness test sit-and-reach component. And mind you, the passing score's 30 cm, and I can't reach that. I have rather good finger coordination, but the same can't be said when the four main limbs are involved.
Simply to say, I will not be caught dead dancing. Someone already told me I don't even have two left feet:(
There are other dreams to fulfill.
Monday, June 21, 2010 . 6/21/2010 10:47:00 AM
My horrible malicious terrible ugly acne!!!!!!!!Sunday, June 20, 2010 . 6/20/2010 04:32:00 PM
Today, practically half the world celebrates what we called "Fathers' Day".
What an annoying day.
The first thing (or noise) that work me up was a funeral procession below.
The second? My bros playing Counter Strike... or was it DOTA?
Fathers' Day has never been the nicest memory in my head.
I can't remember what Fathers' Day was like when I was a child, except for one exception.
That exception being an extremely military punishment given to me and Big Bro, and being scolded so badly the neighbours could hear and see what's going on, with the main door open and the sheer volume of his voice. The present I got was laid ignored under my bed before being thrown days later.
It's probably due to this incident, and the fact that the said person cheated on Mum, that I wished Fathers' Day never existed.
But who am I to say? There are millions of great fathers out there in the world, loving their kids more than mine does, and at the same time loving their wives just as much.
To people out there. It's a fortune to have a father by your side and who loves you for who you are. Appreciate the father who's been right by your side in the ups and downs of your life. It means you're extremely lucky.
Really, I've mentioned this before. I have no idea what is it like to have a father in my teenage years. Do they pamper their daughters? Do they discuss soccer with their sons? I probably won't know. And as I'm nearing the end of my teens, this will never happen to me.
All I know is, in the future, if I were to have any children, I will never want them to experience the incompleteness of a broken family. Means it will take forever for me to ensure a man is right for me.
That's what you get. I'm a girl who's scarred for life.
Oh well, what's meant to be is meant to be. What's not meant to be is not meant to be. Dream on.
Saturday, June 19, 2010 . 6/19/2010 11:00:00 PM
This week's manga and anime-related stuff is rather... like that.
Durarara!! was slow. The only action you get the fight. And then the 3 'ringleaders' who coincidentally are best friends meet each other as their respective role. End.
Angel Beats was full of action on the contrary, but was actually quite baseless. The enemy was someone who's never been seen before, who's actually rather irritating. Emotionless main character cried. That part was trying to be touching but I ain't feeling it. Apparently she fainted, and then she wakes up. End.
Bleach. No action, but that's acceptable. Glad that minor characters are showing up. Still...
Naruto. Blahblahblah... until right at the end O.o
I'm really looking forward to the summer season. I'm really dried out now, with the endings of a few of my favourite manga this past two months.
Yeah... I seemed to be reading guys' manga than female mangas. But the irony is, the only manga in my manga collection is the Gundam Seed series. Or Konjiki no Gash Bell, but that's only one book I have.
Next season's full of action. I hope they don't disappoint.
Despite growing up in a Buddhist family, with a fairly religious and dictative father, I never really got influenced by the religion.
It's probably because I never tried understanding the religion (like how my youngest brother, who attends a Buddhist school, by the way, does). I also have a problem with dietry restriction, since I'm not one that can give on beef that easily, despite frequently saying I can give up meat>.
Maybe religion started becoming a bigger part of my life once I entered secondary school. Like I said before, I've never been the religious, nor have I been very knowledgeable in that field. So it's quite understandable that I have some sort of cultural shock when I, previously from a co-ed neighbourhood school, went into the Catholic girls' school, aka Convent school.
I remembered my first day. The school had morning prayers. While practically every girl around me knows whats going on, I was rather clueless. So it was like this:
1. Principal went, "Let's get ready for our morning prayers."
2. Girls around bowed their heads and clasped their hands in sync.
3. Clueless girls like me clasped their own hands, and waited until the initially long-to-me prayers ended.
4. Thought goes through head, "Do we have to do this everyday?"
Then, after that, the usual first day of school.
Later that afternoon, there was a mass. The priest came in and started the mass, and girls like me who've never been through church nearly fell asleep.
I'm serious! I was struggling to keep awake! But then, that's probably because the priest was boring. For subsequent masses, I wouldn't have minded if the masses were conducted by a Father Simon or a Father Michael.
What else did I learn in secondary school?
I heard of the existence of the Bible. Hey, I was that clueless!
Being from a Catholic school gave me a habit that I do unconsciously. That would be doing the sign of the cross. I would do it unconsciously, and then go, "What am I doing?"
And when I'm afraid, nervous, or thought I was sensing something I shouldn't be, I break into verses of prayer.
Habits that are kinda hard to break.
Even so, religion is still not that big in my life.
When I went to Poly, I was more depressed. I actually went to church with my paternal relatives in secret for a month. Till now, it's still a secret to my family, 'cause I'm sure Mum would blow up if she heard of my actions.
The people there were friendly, all telling me their experience with God. Maybe I was intimidated by these stories. Maybe it's the way the service, or meeting, as they called it, was conducted. I just didn't feel at home. It's comforting, I admit, but it's not what I feel I want to be.
It's still hard for me to believe there's a Jesus or God. I'm not sure how to explain this to my Christian or Catholic friends, but... somehow I just can't. And it's not matter of want to or don't want to.
The existent of a God is...
Friday, June 18, 2010 . 6/18/2010 08:04:00 AM
I need to sleep. I haven't been sleeping very well for the past few days, since my brain has been pre-occupied with thoughts that I really don't want to entertain, yet atthe same time have to entertain. As far as I can tell, my insomnia is getting from bad to worse.
You know what? I need to get back to my codings. I have to see my supervisor later. He's another reason why I'm losing sleep... Hope he doesn't see this.
Thursday, June 17, 2010 . 6/17/2010 11:04:00 PM
Okay, in case you're wondering how the water-drinking mission went...
I finished that 'tank' of water in one and a half day. Great accomplishment since I don't drink that much water before, unless I'm sick.
Thing is, I forgot to boil water for the next batch. So I have to wait until tomorrow morning before I can fill the bottle up. But before the rest of the family start drinking like horses.
Yeah... this is a pointless post.
My time of the month is coming. Hence, I am so darn emotional now.
Well, that's another reason for me drinking water; To calm myself down.
The last reason for water-drinking mission: Hopefully, to clear my acne. My family has a history of acne problems. And apparently, I'm the last one in the family to have it, so the scenario of little brothers advising older sis happens.
I've spent days look at and trying out stupid codes. Let's just say, I'm dying. I'm not the greatest computer expert around, neither am I a code-reader. And I'm not the fastest learner around. I'm about to throw the towel and look for a lecturer to give me a crash-course on VBA. I must at least grasp the basics, and self-learning isn't helping at all. Why does my supervisor have such high expectations?
And another problem... My group must be the LEAST united group among the entire class. I'm kinda tired of giving calls already. Really. That's all I'm saying.
You know what? I shall just sleep early, give my supervisor whatever I've created, and show him how little I know, 'cause the bloody book I borrowed isn't really helping me.
I'm not in the greatest state of minds right now, as you can see the disorganized way of writing I'm having now. That, along with that pounding headache that has been haunting me, as well as that emergency this morning. The adrenaline flowing within my brain isn't really that great for the head.
Family problems love to come at crucial times of my academic time.Labels: One-Liners
Wednesday, June 16, 2010 . 6/16/2010 11:45:00 PM
Results (after a few hours): Vi manages to go to the toilet quite a few times to detoxicate herself. Only three quarters of the 'tank' left. Only. After being depressed for a whole week plus two days, I need to get back into healthier habits. God knows the stuff I usually drink when I'm in darkness mode ain't good for my health, since they're all HIGH IN SUGAR!!My mission: Drink 2 litres of water everyday.
Objectives: Prove the benefits of water (whatever, that's not the real reason...)
Weapons: My cup and my 2-L water storage 'tank'.
Duration: 24 hours per day, for a week. If successful, shall continue for the rest of my life.
Results: We'll see in a week's time.
This is a rather inhumane time to be awake... But since I don't have much of a plan tomorrow, other than create that program that my supervisor wants, and doing some assignment massacre, I intend to shift back to a more NORMAL sleeping pattern. I can't stand waking at 4pm when I slept at 11pm the night before.
So here I am, reading nothing much in particular, kinda trying to fight sleep. Apparently, this soldier ain't a good fighter.
Current battle: Headache.
Battle status: Not good.
Condition: Dying.
Fine. I shall sleep once my downloads are done. And ATTEMPT to wake up at 10.
The anime series I'm watching now is taking me such a loooooooooong time to watch. There's... 26 episodes, if I'm not wrong, and I've only finished episode 5 when I started this series 3 days ago. I think it's probably because of the genre... It's romance. Not something I'd pick up unless it has my favourite voice actors, or the story plot is interesting.Right now, I don't even know why I picked to watch this series. It's something I randomly stumbled on, and I kinda regret it. Maybe I should just stop here. It seems really a long way when there's another 21 episodes to go.
I think I'll stick to action and humour than romances.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010 . 6/15/2010 11:57:00 PM
DaydreamMiranda Cosgrove
I could have been the one you noticed
I could have been all over you
I could have been like all the others
Is that what I'm supposed to do?
It would've been really stupid
If I would've went out with you
To give you everything you wanted
It would've been way too soon.
I try to be sensitive, I try to be tough
I try to walk away
I try to be innocent, I try to be rough
But I just wanna pray.
You're my daydream
You know that I've been thinking about you
Lately, and every time I look at you
I can't explain how I feel inside
I can't get away
You're my daydream.
If I tell you what I'm thinking
And I let myself trust you
Can you give me what I'm missing?
Can you make my dreams come true?
I try to be sensitive, I try to be tough
I try to walk away
I try to be innocent, I try to be rough
But I just wanna pray
You're my daydream
You know that I've been thinking about you
Lately, and every time I look at you
I can't explain how I feel inside
I can't get away
You're my daydream
I've always wanted someone
I've been waiting for so long
Could you be that someone?
Are you my, you my
You're my, you're my...
DAYDREAM
You know that I've been thinking about you
Lately, and every time I look at you
I can't explain what I feel inside
I can't get away
You're my daydream
You're my daydream
You're making me insane
You're my daydream
You're doing it again
You're my daydream
You're making me insane
You're doing it again
Labels: lyrics
Whenever you look my way,Or talk to me,
Despite my show of a face,
My heart flutters like butterflies.
My day was so foul,
Till I'd really kill.
But the sight of you
Leaves a smile on cue.
My friends has, and still, for months
Trying to get me to talk.
Still ain't working...
All because of my wary...
Sunday, June 13, 2010 . 6/13/2010 10:35:00 PM
Have you ever felt those periods of time when you feeling lonely, despite knowing there are so many family members and friends by your side? When you just can't open your mouth to tell them how you feel? That you just can't...?Loneliness is a sad thing. It is cold, harsh, dark loneliness that swallows people into its oblivion. It's so cold it makes you shiver in fear. It's so harsh it makes you gasp and feel pain. It's so dark you can't see the way out of it.
It's at times like this you silently cry out for help, and still, no one saves you.
No one ever will...
Just accept it.
I have frequent bouts of depression.
And since I don't drink like the rest of my family (with the exception of my underage lil bro), I take a substitute, which isn't good for my body either. Whatever, alcohol kills you eventually. Why can't I take something that might kill me in years to come?
Too much sugar's not good for someone with diabetes, but most of the time, I need a coke to calm down. When I'm nervous, a can's in my hand. When I'm depressed, I'll drown myself with it. And then I'll probably feel unwell the next day, but I won't take any water to wash out the offending drink in my system.
I'll be thirsty, and have a headache, and some sort of stomachache, but I don't care. I'll concentrate on that pain rather than the one in my heart. I'll tell myself I deserve it, that I'm destroying my body and killing myself so I'll die earlier.
No one will know anyway. Even if they know, they'll probably laugh and make fun, "That girl killed herself with coke. How funny is that?"
What a comedic death.
Saturday, June 12, 2010 . 6/12/2010 11:48:00 PM
I'm stubborn. That's a fact. But I'm not really that stubborn.
I hate it when things don't go my way. I don't complain about it.
I hate it more when I don't protest when I should.
I break my own heart for the sake of others' happiness.
Why am I doing that?
No one can understand. This is a world where everyone thinks for themselves, not for others.
There really is nothing for anyone who is so selfless.
Watching others achieve success and fame while you stuck in nowhere-land...
Watching others from afar, knowing someone else is wanted...
Watching others suffering, and giving way, despite the pain of it...
Is there any warmth out there?
I hate myself.
My stomach has been giving me issues these days.
Maybe it's the tests that did it. I doubt so though. I've been eating rather well. Maybe not well enough, but still rather well compared to others.
I've been having diarrhea for days now... And the stomachache that comes with it is rather unbearable, although I won't show it, if not Mum will force me to go to the polyclinic, and I hate going there.
Well, I should be rather good with stomachaches. They've been a frequent occurrence in my life since I was a kid. When I was younger, I had a much weaker stomach. I eat very little, and my stomachaches were so frequent, whenever my family goes out, the stomachache oil comes out together with us.
In primary school, most of the time my MC would state I hate gastric flu. That says another thing about my gastric problem.
All these are pretty much non-existent in my secondary school life.
How I wish I could go back to that time, where there's no stomachaches. Right...
Okay... writing this has cleared my stomachache... Hehe, not bad:)
What an adventure last night... MUM'S CAR BROKE DOWN!!The best thing was, it's not out there on the road. It's within my brother's school compound.
I shall not go into details, since it would be a bore. Let's just say Mum called her rescue of a friend, and got her battery charged, and changed later.
We now know what a car engine sound like when there's no battery...
Recently, I've been thinking about instruments... Don't ask me why. My deprivation from my piano as well as my songwriting makes me think of of making music recently. Maybe anime plays a bit of a part... well, anime sometimes has the power to influence my actions, especially if they're doable.
Everyone knows I used to play the piano. I used to hate it, 'cause I always felt I was a vessel to fulfil my mum's childhood dream of playing the piano. Then, when I stopped my lessons, I started to enjoy them. 'cause I could play the songs I wanted, the way I wanted. That's probably the freedom I wanted when I played. When I had lessons, there was no freedom. Just pieces of music your teacher wants you to practise and play for her.
But then when we had to move, Mum just had to sell my beloved piano WITHOUT my permission, earning my cold silence for an entire week. I'm still rather miffed about it.
So now, I have no piano to vent my anger. I could control my temper with it. I'm serious. Oh, and my fingers are rusty too.
When my bro had a guitar for his birthday (mind him, he has NO KNOWLEDGE of playing the instrument), I started having thoughts of learning, although I'm a bit apprehensive about that thought, since previous experience with the guitar has left me with a fear of producing the "tok" sound, which happens on 80% of the time I'm holding a guitar.
One thing about guitars is, it's extremely awkward for me to hold it. Yeah, I know of lefthanded guitar players, but it doesn't feel at home on me. Most of the time, I'll be slinging the guitar on, and then I'd realised it's on the wrong side.
But one thing about guitars: they're cool. I can't deny that. Whenever I'm watching a music video, I'll be looking at the guitarists most of the time. The way they stand, the way they sit, the way the move to the beat... I kinda like it.
Other than the sound of "tok" that I produce, guitar music actually sounds rather nice. Classical, accoustic, electric... they produce rather good music when their owner is great. Like Orianthi (sorry, she's the only one I've heard a solo from). Maybe Taylor Swift too. And my multi-instrumentalist cousin.
Then, I decided I wanted to learn the ukulele. That'll probably happen after I graduated, when I have more time. Well, from what I heard, it's smaller, has lesser strings, and it's easier to learn. Hopefully, I get the strumming right.
Just last night, after watching an anime, I thought maybe I wanted to try out a keytar, since I have a background in keyboards and piano. It looked easy to play... Until I checked out the prices. It's tons cheaper than a piano, but not something I could afford. I'm so sadden by that.
Well, I could dream.
Friday, June 11, 2010 . 6/11/2010 06:00:00 PM
OMGosh!! The ending of Fullmetal Alchemist was great!! A great ending for a great series!!
I started reading this series when Channel U was showing the first during the weekends... I think that was back somewhere in secondary school.
And probably because one of my favourite voice actress was acting in it.
When I went onto my favourite manga website, to quench my week-long wait on the latest chapter of Bleach, the headline of the website was "Full Metal Alchemist 108 (END)".
And even though I know the end was imminent, since they've announced it quite some time ago, I went, "So fast?!"
That's the thing about series ending. You watch or read it wanting to know the ending, but when the ending comes, you don't want it to end. It's either that or the ending totally suck.
For FMA, I probably was the only person reading it who couldn't understand the fight. I re-read it, and I still couldn't figure it out. Seriously. But the way the manga artist drew the aftermath, I love it all. There's something touching about it. I can't describe it. (I probably can't be an author if I can't do that... Someday...)
One thing about this title, there's so many messages I can find throughout the manga. The most significant one is family love. The main characters' love for their mother, the hatred for their father, the characters' brotherly love for each other... Then there's other elements of love as well, ...well, the normal ones.
The other significant theme is sins. I love how the artist incorporated the Seven Greatest Sins. It's clearly depicted in here, and sometimes I learnt something that is so familiar in life, that I didn't know they were kinds of sins. But I also learnt in here that some kind of sins can also bear fruit to good things. Those are the things...
Anyway, my favourite part of the manga was the proposal. It's damn hilarious! Somehow, I kinda expected the main MAIN character to propose with those words, but the effect was still hilarious! It was touching in the end though. I went "Aw..."
That's all for FMA manga. I shall watch the second anime once it finishes. And when I've got time.
And hopefully, Bleach doesn't end so soon. It's the only shounen manga that catches my eye now, since Eyeshield 21 and Cross Game ended, D.Grayman starts to suck, and Naruto decided to become child's play. Oh yeah, and Ookiku Furikabutte's update is too slow for me. Still love that title though.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 . 6/09/2010 10:02:00 PM
I'm so hungry. But I'm having a really bad stomach that results in whatever that goes through my mouth makes me feel extremely nauseated. Still, I forced myself to eat that onigiri that Mum bought. Thank God that's small.
Mum made me drink lots of water, that's why I have a huge cup, which I normally use as a soup bowl, full of water. And that's my second cup.
I'm sure I'll have plenty of trips to the toilet...
My writing in this post sucks. Wanted to write a proper post, but I still have two more papers to go, and my mind is a bit muffled.
I'll make it up this weekend:)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010 . 6/08/2010 02:11:00 AM
I'm still giving up on that bloody paper tomorrow. Know why I used to cut myself?Home was the last place I wanna be. It was chaotic, cold, and lack what kids would call love.
I was feeling unloved. Dad wasn't home most of the time. And when he was, he's either not talking, or was scolding someone. Mum was her depressed self then.
I guess I was in a tight situation. Maybe that's why I've always mentioned I never had a real childhood.
In addition, I was Big Sis. I couldn't break down in front of my brothers then. There was that feeling of superiority, but looking back now, I see them as stronger than me in that situation.
There were that many penknives in my house then. A box full of them. All I had to do was take one of them to the bathroom and run it through my wrist. I was smart then. I cut it at the area where my watch would always be there to cover.
It was painful. Seeing blood made it more painful. But then, it wasn't as painful as how I felt. The feeling of helplessness, wanting to cry but not able to, and there wasn't anyone who understands. That was much painful.
It didn't help that when I entered secondary school, in a totally new environment, I was truly alone. There weren't people I could call friends. There were only people whom I called bullies and bitches, although I didn't know the meaning of that word then.
I thank God there weren't any scars from back then, but I guess the blood did it. I have quite a phobia for seeing blood now.
I thank God for the friends I have, who really cares about me. And even if no one could really understand my predicament, I can rest assure there are people by my side supporting me through and through. With smiles filled with love and warmth. When I say I give up, I really mean it.
This shows a few things.
I'm not the most determined person in the world.
I'm not the strongest person mentally; I'm weak.
I hate myself for that.
Monday, June 7, 2010 . 6/07/2010 12:08:00 AM
I'm not gonna make it. Actually, I might make it. Right... I have no idea how I'm gonna fare.Oh gosh. I'm gonna go crazy.
It's at times like this, I wish I'm like my cousins. They can pray to calm themselves down while I can only imagine...
Stomachache...
Sunday, June 6, 2010 . 6/06/2010 04:16:00 PM
"My Dad has been deployed to Afghanistan since February.Yesterday was my graduation from high school. He wouldn't be able to make it.
At the ceremony, when the graduates were ready to go, the principal announced there was one last thing to be seen... My dad's face appeared on the screen, congratulating me.
Thanks Dad, for making my night memorable."
http://www.givesmehope.com/view/Inspiring%20feats/67964
Labels: quotes
I really hate tests and exams. It's always a stressful period of time when your life hangs literally on a thread.Then they'll be times when I'd ask, "Who in the world likes these things?"
And then, I'd answer myself. I do know of people who LOVES tests and exams. I'm serious about that.
Well, these periods always cause some sort of pain to go through.
Not enough sleep... too many texts and diagrams and formulae to remember... crying nights... bouts of tempers... unhealthy eating habits.
Oh wells... Shall nurse myself back to perfect health after the tests.
Saturday, June 5, 2010 . 6/05/2010 01:56:00 PM
I hate family conflicts.Friday, June 4, 2010 . 6/04/2010 03:03:00 PM
I find it strange that, since primary school, my best friend has always been a Malay girl. And all those years of having Malay girls as best friends, I didn't learn much of the language from them.More than likely, they learned a lot of Chinese from me and the rest of our Chinese friends. Weird.
Raurau!! I feel like joining a Malay conversing class.
Vi imagines... Raurau raising her eyebrows, going "For what?" I feel a little disappointed today, but it's my fault that I missed out:(
Thursday, June 3, 2010 . 6/03/2010 11:21:00 PM
I'm a little not happy today.Maybe it's because of PMS.
Maybe it's because of the assignment deadline being tomorrow.
Maybe it's because Grandma just had her operation and I just had an added plan to visit her, despite having to go to a relative's house to pass something. That's in Jurong, and the hospital's in Simei. And the night having some family dinner. At least Grandma's fine.
Maybe it's because...
Sighs... never mind. Just tweeted about it.
All my crushes are extremely unreachable. Darn sad. Wanna go through them?
No. 1: He was a little narcissistic at that time. Plus he has a lot of conditions for a girlfriend, which I don't have. Then again, said before, he's a good friend now.
No. 2: Waaaaaaaaaay above my league. Extremely chauvinistic. Never knew whether he was interested in girls or guys. Hm... Even if we know each other when we were babies, I think it's just great to leave it as that; friends who knew each other since forever.
No. 3: Well, he's not interested in dating. And after a while, his personality shows. The only good thing that comes out of this crush? Age doesn't really matter after this. Well, unless it's a full year below.
No. 4: Has a girlfriend. Enough said.
No. 5: We-ell... From what I heard, likes someone else...
I am going to cry.
My cheeks are tightening up, in fact, from the stress.
And my mind is going, "F*** it. Can't be bothered anymore." ... When I AM bothered!
Here we go again.
I'm going to sleep.
Oyasumi.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010 . 6/02/2010 11:48:00 PM
Okay... I'm taking a break from my assignment... Before I literally tear the paper I was write on. Yup, I'm that manual. My hand's hurting a little though.And gosh... I need something for the killer headache I'm having now.
I kinda don't like to go fb now. I have no idea why, but recently, THERE'S A LOT OF LOVE DECLARATIONS. I know I've added people who are boyfriends of friends (don't ask me why), so maybe that blame should come to me if I'm groaning about this problem.
I'm kinda happy today though. Even if I'm enduring some kind of pain, feeling kinda worried and nervous, and frustrated, but still happy. Don't ask me why too.
Off to work.
À bientôt!
Six Billion Secrets - FMS #22092
"I'm 16 years old, never been kissed, never been on a date, and never had a bf.
I put myself down verbally around others because I'm secretly hoping that someone will step up and say "Don't do that to yourself. You're beautiful. I love you."
It hurts that I know they probably never will."
I think I've stated this often enough. I will NEVER venture into the chemical processing field after graduation. I will work my ass off other jobs, but not a job that requires me to look at pipes, pumps, heat exchangers and so on. I can never look at pipes the same way anymore anyway.
And here I am, miserably attempting to write something into my assignment reports, and nothing gets in or out of my brain at the moment. How demoralizing.
Everyone's almost done too. All the more demoralizing.
I really hate writing a report about a particular equipment or system. There's only so much you can put in, no opinions at all. Do people really enjoy writing them?
What joy do engineers find in their job? The noise of compressors? The alarms of the DCS? The humming of a pump? Writing 20-page reports on equipment failure?
I seriously can't see any joy in that.
Then again, can I say the same thing for an accounting job? Well, Mum becomes very enthusiastic when she starts explaining in accounting terms to lil' bro. And that's an understatement. It's just numbers and balancing!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010 . 6/01/2010 12:40:00 PM
I wish I have better health...Then I wouldn't have frequent bouts of ulcers...
Then I wouldn't have frequent bouts of stomachaches...
Then I wouldn't have an endless numbers of allergies...
Then I wouldn't have to spend near a quarter of my life and counting playing games with my eczema...
Then I wouldn't be called weak and blahblahblah by people...
Then Mum wouldn't have to spend so much money on trips to the clinic and tonic soups...
Then I wouldn't have to endure so much pain in life...
Then I wouldn't have to eat as carefully now, and be more conscious of my hygienic habits...
Then I'll look healthier...
I wish for a better health and body. Hm... A friend of mine was ignored by her boyfriend because he wanted to 'test' her. Previously, another friend of mine had to go through that as well. What is it with guys and 'testing' their girlfriends? Is it a necessity to do that in a relationship? Does the 'test' show whether a relationship will last? Does it guarantee that in the future marriage will not be thwarted by divorce?
What logic does this 'test' go by? Yeah, it'll probably show the guy how loyal is the girl to him. At that time. Who knows in the future, love goes by a fine line of like and dislike?
