Tuesday, January 25, 2011 . 1/25/2011 07:30:00 PM

I'm absolutely pissed off.

I'm pissed off with my own bad luck.

I'm pissed off with my own life.

I'm pissed off about why I was born.

Why must I live a life of hardships and all while everyone else lives in comfort and all? Admit it, there's more comfort in others' lives compared to mine in this expensive urbanized country.

Why must I have the COMMON SENSE in this family? Nobody is thinking realistic enough here. Nobody is grounded enough to really think to solve the problems. Nobody wants to even THINK about the problems! How to solve them?!

Really, I think my parents are dumb. I know I'm brutal here, but it's true in some ways. If you're a single parent with not one, not two, but THREE dependent children, would you downgrade from a full-time job to a PART-TIME JOB? Unless this part-time job earns an extraordinary amount of money, maybe, but NO, it actually earns peanuts. Oh, and the reason for that? A ridiculous "I-want-to-concentrate-on-property". Do I see any results? NO! Till now, I only see TWO HOUSE sold, and THREE HOUSE rentals. For a period of more than a year. That's why I objected. Everyone else were for it. That's why I say, nobody here is grounded enough to look ahead.

AND, I'm sorry, but I mean no disrespect. My parents, the people who brought me up when I was young, those were my parents. The ones right now is an immature boy who is stubbornly stuck in his futile venture in the land up there, while the other is an immature girl who can't decide whether she wants a Rabbit Sweet or a Roche. What kind of parents want their girl to drink? What kind of parents want their kids to go SHOPPING the day before their exams, with double papers too? What kind of parents borrow money and dig into their savings? What kind of parents, ah, never mind. I could go on and on, but I don't wish to throw more fuel into burning coal.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of being the 'adult' in the family. I'm not one yet. Yet, I have to be one. I'm tired. I wish to study. I do. But... that's my own fault. I can't manage my time, but I need to work. Because there just isn't enough to spend. I'm already guilty everyone has to accommodate my 'cheap meals' everyday until I get some extra money. It's not like I wish to. Really.

I just swear, I don't want my kids to grow up this way. I want them to enjoy life. I want them to enjoy the childhood I never really had, the normal teen life that I crave, and not the hardest way to progress to adulthood. But who am I to say. My own mother had always said she didn't want her kids to grow up the way she did, but we did, albeit in a different time and way. From the way I talk, I could even guess what kind of mother I could be already. One who isn't like my own.

I love my mother and all, but really, the way she acts, I can't respect her enough as a daughter.