Sunday, August 8, 2010 . 8/08/2010 03:29:00 AM

Do I still have a crush on that person? I ask myself this everyday. I won't say "in love", because to me, "love" is a very big word. It's a word which indicate commitment, so I won't use it so lightly.

I'll admit, I fell for this person nearly a year ago. There were periods of waning feelings, but for now, I'd rather keep it like it is right now. I don't want to jump into something I can't handle and make blunders, which I'm known for.

I'm not like my classmates, who could openly pursue their dates (or rather, have lots of people pursue them). I'm extremely shy towards people and it takes some time before I could feel an attachment. Which is why I couldn't even tell people until it held on for quite some time already.  And it's also why it takes so much time before I could pluck up the courage to talk to this person. Online. And in school, it takes a great deal of myself to say "Hi" and talk like a normal person. I think before that, my best friend has been tweeting and encouraging me (rather excitedly. LOL.) "GO TALK TO HIM LAH!!". 

I still think it's funny how animated I can become with this crush. I remembered a time I couldn't stop blushing when the name's mentioned, I had a few accidents concerning my lunch when that person's nearby, and I think I become rather loud and brash suddenly. It's weird. I'm clumsy in nature, but I become EVEN CLUMSIER when this person's present. 

I've heard stuff about this person in school. Gossips, rather. Who knew guys know how to gossip like that. I think and feel he likes someone else. Okay, I knew before I heard that, but there was this denial. But when it's out like that, it's kinda heartbreaking, and my brain was like chiding, "EPIC FAILURE" to me. Then again, those little warm feelings didn't stop. It's just hard to control how you feel. 

I think I've been convinced by an advice from a best friend of mine. Pursuing a guy by 'sending signals'? It sounds funny, but I think that's how I'm doing it. Although I'm a bit apprehensive with this approach, since some guys can be rather clueless (by experience). And just WHAT am I saying, when I'm always the clueless one?

Sighs... the wonders of a teenage crush. And my teenage time is pretty much ending. There goes my teenage years without the experience of love(?)...