Saturday, July 31, 2010 . 7/31/2010 11:50:00 PM

Bloody internet. I'm not impressed that my laptop is the only one affected. And I get extremely irritated if my page won't load.

This weekend is hell. Real hell. My table is filled with paperwork from here and there, and I'm afraid that I'm not doing my work well enough. It's scary enough I'm not doing well, but it's scarier when I don't have the time to study enough.

And it's hot. Terribly hot. Making me even more irritable.

I need chocolates. And bubble tea.

I don't need your 'worldly advice' on how I deal with my life, so f*** off.

Friday, July 30, 2010 . 7/30/2010 12:07:00 AM

Bloody hell. 

This is to Mum.

I am bloody doing my school work. Please let me work in peace. I WILL pack this bloody room if you don't bloody dump things all around the room in the first place. I've ALREADY packed this room when you started moving (or rather, throwing) things around my room so it's a MESS. AGAIN. AND, I am bloody coming home for YOU, when I could have stayed in school longer to do some work.

For goodness sake, appreciate me a little more, instead of throwing your drunken temper around, when you can't hold your liquor, AND don't start telling me you drank JUST ONE CAN, when I can smell more than just that and tell by your behaviour. I'm already fed-up with school, people in school, that damn father, and money. Don't let me be fed-up with you. 

I'm already feeling miserable and desperate. Don't make me feel bleak when I'm trying to climb back up. 

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 . 7/28/2010 02:16:00 PM

I've lost my passion for blogging. There's just nothing for me to write but ill feelings for people in general. Really. Rather than I write them out, I'd rather keep them in, in my head where it's extremely safe.

There are so many malicious people out there who will knock me down from the top of the mountain. So many people out there who will break you till you're dead. So many people out there to brainwash you till you forget yourself.

Before that happens, I'm cutting off communications. I won't trust anyone. I won't believe in anybody's words. I won't let people's actions get to me.

All I'll do is act.

Friday, July 23, 2010 . 7/23/2010 12:54:00 AM

Sighs... it hasn't been a good week. I have people directing their anger at me, people poking fun at me, and people threatening me.

The last straw came when there was a momentary lapse of trust between me and my family, and I dissolved into tears, after what seemed like forever. And they stung. The tears. Must be my oily skin. 

First thing. The girl. Please remind me NEVER go near a girl who's an only child and is pampered like a princess throughout her life. It's suffocating that she gets everyone to accommodate her, including alienating me and some good friends. Like I said before, the scariest people are those who are able to charm their way in, even if everyone else knows their intentions are not that great.

Second thing. I. ABSOLUTELY. HATE. THESE. TWO. GUYS. IN. MY. CLASS. They caused me so much trouble and stress, and touched, no, slaughtered my self-esteem. Thank God I wasn't like before, where these things could really break me down. Instead of breaking down, I'm furious! It's okay they can poke fun at my looks, since I know there are many imperfections in and on me. BUT, to INSULT me like that, it's a total turn-off. And they were such idiots for giving themselves away. AND(!) they have atrocious English that totally sealed the deal in revealing their identities.

I was just this small step away from making a police report. The police station is that near, you know. And to add oil to fire, cyber-bullying is a crime that can be charged, so watch out, you baskets of shit.

Third thing. This will be short. I absolutely abominate my supervisor.

Last thing is a sad one. I only had a super short conversation with him, regarding a school question. What a pathetic attempt:(

However, Vi is very happy how her friends came to her rescue to retort those cruel bullies. I'll never forget them, and will try my best to be as good as possible to them. But no treating yet (yeah, I still owe one), since I'm broke. 

Thursday, July 22, 2010 . 7/22/2010 12:46:00 AM

I don't believe in God. But I have a habit of saying "Thank God". That's a habit that I find hard to kick off. It has a much better effect than using "Thank Goodness", which I sometimes try to replace in case people think I'm a Christian, which I am not.

There's so many things so "Thank God" for.

I "Thank God" for the close-knitted family I have, who never fails to make me feel loved.

I "Thank God" for the wonderful friends I have, who never fails to make me feel "me" and "right".

I "Thank God" for the healthy body I have, no matter the imperfections which I am proud of.

I "Thank God" for the conscience I have, to never do what I think is wrong and degrading and disrespectful.

I "Thank God" for having a good upbringing, despite the pain of a broken family.

I "Thank God" for giving me a life full of experience others will never know, and allowing me to leap to the top from the bottom of the pit.

I "Thank God" for giving me this life, which I promise I'll live to the fullest.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010 . 7/21/2010 11:13:00 PM

After the days I had since school started, I'm not in the mood to do my work, but I still have to. 

The scariest people are those who are able to charm their way through. And direct their army.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010 . 7/20/2010 08:37:00 PM

I'm tired. I'm not well. And I can't cope with today's silent drama. I just have no idea what I did. 

As for my tag board incident, since some friends have speculated the identity of the heartless prankster, I shall do nothing. There's nothing I can do, since dwelling on this can bring me nowhere. It's not like I care either. Whatever you do will come back to you in ten-folds. 

Have to see supervisor tomorrow. Hopefully, he doesn't prompt as much and make me nervous sitting right in front of him. 

Today is such a bleak day... 

Okay... Can I blast? Even if the target is a dear friend of mine?

Okay. I shall keep it short.

I don't like it when plans are changed BECAUSE of a boyfriend.

Monday, July 19, 2010 . 7/19/2010 11:40:00 PM

"In this moment now, 

Capture it

Remember it."

~Taylor Swift

Labels: lyrics, One-Liners, quotes

I love the current playlist on my blog. It's some of my favourite piano songs that I came across throughout my life, that has the ability to soothe my nerves, calm me down and make me relax.

Give it a listen. You might like one of them:)

Here is the list of songs, in no particular order, since it's on random-playing mode:

1. Love Me - Yiruma

2. Cloud Smiles - Nobuo Uematsu, Final Fantasy VII

3. 말도 안돼 [Inst.] Piano Ver. - Personal Taste OST (Korean drama)

4. Canon in D

5. To Zanarkand - Nobip Uematsu, Final Fantasy X

6. River Flows in You - Yiruma

7. Hitori - Junya Matsuoka

8. Through the Arbor - Kevin Kern

9. Sundial Dreams - Kevin Kern

10. Kiss the Rain - Yiruma

Here's the link to the playlist too, if you wanna escape my blog.

I'm sick, in bed and in pain over that stomach element, which must have gotten worse over the week. I'm feeling extremely irritable and annoyed about missing school... again. What I'm most miffed with is something I shall not mention anywhere but on twitter.

I hate missing out on stuff. And I just did. I hate dealing with certain people. And I have to in a matter of minutes, via email.

Yup. You can definitely tell this girl is irritable.

Fact: After reading a dear friend's blog, and several reports, I conclude "definite" is the most commonly misspelled word. It's spelled with an "i", people, not an "a".

People have told me this isn't a great trait of mine. So I promise I'll delete those two sentences above. Just take note though. 

 

After reading majority of the new novel that Mum bought for me, I realized one thing. Well, 'realized' isn't a very good word. 'Denied' would be better. 

Most people know I come from a broken family. Not officially divorced, but it's the same. Father's somewhere in China, while Mum's taking care of us all by herself.

It's safe to say we aren't rich. Mum holds two jobs: one full-time and one part. I work two times a week during weekdays. Big Bro works two days a week part-time. Lil' bro's too busy with band to work; he's too young anyway. Father doesn't earn much in the other country, and the allowance he sends back is barely enough to cover our necessities, hence the need for the job. I really need people to see why I have to study and work at the same time, even with my poor grades.

It's also safe to say, I have a hatred for my father. I'm always feeling this tint of jealousy within me whenever a person mentioned anything a good father would have done. And when I look at photos of people having fun with their families - complete family - I can't help but feel envious. How I wish my family could be like that... I could never have that. That's why Chinese New Year is a stressful period of time. CNY is all about spending time with your families, your relatives, but to me, CNY is all about splitting my time between families. It can never be like before, when visits were boisterous with activity, while it's tensed with careful words (and lots of preaching from my devoted Christian aunts) in recent years. 

However, what I felt I've denied all these years was, I can't get over this split. It's been nearly a decade, but the hurt is still there. I've told people, friends, relatives, strangers, myself,  that it's alright, I've gotten used to it, that I'm happy that my parents are split up and my father's far far away in another country, but the truth is, no, I never did get over it. There's so much tears, so much anguish, so much jealousy involved, and so much self-pitying and self-criticism. It's a scar in my life that would never fade. It's a wound that could threaten to tear open with any trauma. It's a rock sitting in a plain, slowly fading with weathering and trauma. In short, it's killing me inside. 

I want them back together. I want them to stay this way. Either way, they both 'unwanted wants'; excuse the complicated oxymoron, but I figured it's self-explanatory and I refuse to go into details for that. 

p.s.1. I need to send that idiot father one hell of an email for being MIA right now and not responding to calls regarding the extremely late transferring of our allowance.

p.s.2. I am extremely not happy with the dishbag who decided to be funny and wrote that last tag on my tag board. It is extremely disrespectful and downright not the right words to post. And if you're really that person, this place is not welcomed to you. 

Sunday, July 18, 2010 . 7/18/2010 11:57:00 PM

Just how many times have I felt this sensations of stomach flipping, hot blushing cheeks and accelerated heartbeat all at the same time, just at the mere thought of a person?

Never before. My friends will never stop teasing me.    

Finally... I can get to this page. The rain has made my internet connection sucky. It took me HOURS to navigate to this page so I can write this entry.

And I still haven't logged into my email.

And let's not talk about facebook or twitter.

So I've been here, doing nothing actually. Since I can't access much, thus my work is practically left undone.

It's a rather quiet weekend. Okay, I won't say it's that quiet, since there's my music, Big Bro's online game as well as Mum's drama. Lil' bro's the only quiet one, since he's snoozing like the zodiac animal he is.

I've never really liked rainy days. They're cold and they make me feel lethargic. It makes my body sluggish and not want to move at all. And I especially don't like to be out on a rainy day. Rainwater always has the power to make my eczema worse.

Thank goodness today's Family Day is spent at home. I'll be really irritable if I went out. Something 'Bout Love
David Archuleta



Every night it’s all the same
You’re frozen by the phone
You wait, something’s changed
You blame yourself every day
You’d do it again
Every night

There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh
It sets you free

There’s something ’bout love
That tears you up
Whoa oh oh oh
You still believe
When the world falls down like the rain
It’ll bring you to your knees
There’s something ’bout love that breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh…
But don’t give up
There’s something ’bout love

When you were young
Scared of the night
Waiting for love to come along
And make it right
Your day will come, the past is gone
So take your time
And live and let live

There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh
It sets you free

There’s something ’bout love
That tears you up
Whoa oh oh oh
You still believe
When the world falls down like the rain
It’ll bring you to your knees
There’s something ’bout love that breaks your heart
 
Whoa oh oh oh…
But don’t give up
There’s something ’bout love

Don’t fight
Don’t hide
Those stars in your eyes (in your eyes)
Let em’ shine tonight
Let em’ shine tonight

Hang on
Hang in
For the ride of your life
It’s gonna be alright
Hold on tight

There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh

There’s something ’bout love
That breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh
It sets you free

There’s something ’bout love
That tears you up
Whoa oh oh oh
You still believe
When the world falls down like the rain
It’ll bring you to your knees (to your knees)
There’s something ’bout love that breaks your heart
Whoa oh oh oh…
But don’t give up
There’s something ’bout love

Whoa oh oh oh..
Set’s you free
There’s something bout love
That tears you up
Whoa oh oh oh
You still believe
When the world falls down like the rain

Labels: lyrics

Mummy got me the book I want...

~scrambles back to it~

~smiles~

Saturday, July 17, 2010 . 7/17/2010 11:43:00 PM

My best friend said "It should be him. Can't be some stranger."

But my strange 'luck' for bad luck makes me think otherwise. I dare not hope for more...

But there's this inner glee in me that makes me wish it is. 

Is this how a girl in love behaves like?

I used to live in Yishun. That's not secret. That's the town I lived in, during my first part of childhood. 

I can't remember too much, but I remember I was a lot happier. My family was a normal happy big family (there were 8 of us). I had my soft toys and Big Bro had his toy cars and lil' bro was a cute little white ball. 

That house had hold many happy memories. The only unhappiness was when my grandparents scold me or Dad punishing me. We walked to the nearby Yishun Park to play at the huge merry-go-round every few days, or to the nearby PAP kids library where Mummy would borrow some books for us to read. 

Fights between my parents don't exist then. Big Bro and I would walk across the house from our room on our own to snuggle in between them in their bed. We'd hang out in my grandparents' room because they have the nicest bed in the house. We'd ride around the house in our little tricycles that grandpa had assembled for us. 

Ours was a simple childhood filled with laughter, although there's only me and Big Bro, and maybe our Malay neighbours. But nevertheless, Yishun holds a lot of good memories that I'll never forget. Better than here anyway. 

~Yawns~ 

I can't seem to stop doing that these few days. That and rubbing my throbbing temples with AXE oil. 

Sleep is one thing I really need. And Mummy won't allow me to sleep beyond 12. Sad-ed. 

Then again, if I sleep beyond her timing, I won't be able to shift my natural sleeping time again. The recent spats of assignments really drove me to the night attempting to finish them. 

Not a great habit for someone with a weak body like mine. I suffered from abdomen pain yesterday morning. And by night time, I lost my voice, and I had to teach. Still haven't recovered it totally, so I can't bear to sing along with my music. Totally sad-ed. 

I'm trying  to improve my health. First step, gain some weight. Healthily. When I read through articles related to that topic, I realized what I was lacking. Eating meat. I never liked to eat too much of meat. I like veggies and tofu and stuff like that, but meat. I mean, I eat meat, can't give up them enough to be a vegetarian, but to ask me to eat a lot of meat is crazy. Most of the time, I'll only eat a small amount of meat for one meal a day. 

I better try and take some for lunch the next few school days. Haha. Don't know what kind of surprise I might give my classmates. 

I love reading. Fiction. Non-fiction. Lyrics. Comics. Manga. Fanfiction. Comments. Articles. Although not reports or scientific journals.

How did I develop this love? I don't even know myself. Maybe it's because Mum used to work in a publishing company and brought back these kids magazine for me and Big Bro to read. Then I think she started us on Enid Blyton, although I'm the only one who followed through. She also started me on my lifelong love for mystery- and action-themed novels. Although I don't share her love for her favourite books or authors.

I love to go to the library on my own to search for books with summaries good enough to catch my eye, although it's hard nowadays to go as often as before. And I love reading newspapers and magazines. I'm already finding it hard to refrain from buying magazines to save money.

I love reading for it allows me to drown myself into another world that's not mine. Imagine living in another character's shoes and the different way in life. It's a perfect remedy for a bad day. To forget about my world and disappear into another. It might not solve my problem, but at least it'll make me feel better.


Maybe this love for reading kinda evolved into a love for writing. I love words. They have a kind of calming effect on me. Writing is a therapy to me. I'm happy, I write. I'm sad, I write. I'm furious, I write. I write anything under the sun (well, except for topics that are somehow related to horror and gore, and I don't really use vulgarities) that's swimming around in my sea of thoughts.

I've written stories, although most have remained in my private collections. As for poetry and lyrics, only the ones which I'm satisfied and happy with are published on my fb (although my best friend thinks it's mushy. Haha!). The irony was, back in secondary school, I hate literature with passion. It's Shakespeare's fault! Never really liked his plays. Especially Romeo and Juliet! It's the most stupid story ever.

"Oh Romeo, Romeo/Wherefore art thou Romeo?"
He's right below you, duh. And why are you speaking to yourself loudly in the balcony?

I know I'm going off-topic, but I've criticised EVERY single character in this story. When I read through it the first time round (unfortunately, it was in my lit. textbook), I was mentally scolding as I went along the story. Stupid Romeo. Stupid Capulet parents. Stupid Juliet. Stupid Tybalt. Stupid friar... and so on.

Oh well. It's the most famous tragedy of all. It's famous for it's title anyway. Just how many people have know and read the play and watch it too? It's the stupidest story from a guy who died centuries ago.

Anyway, my reading probably has slowed down too much for my liking. Recently, I bought a book after what seemed like ages. And I read it for far too long. But it's such a good story, that I was thinking of buying the second and third book, after pathetic father sends me my monthly allowance (he's late and MIA again).

The past few weeks of rushing through assignment probably did something to my brain to give me such bad writings for the past few days (including this). Next time I write, I'll be more organized.

Meanwhile, I need my sleep... It isn't something that I get to do much these days. Nights!

Friday, July 16, 2010 . 7/16/2010 11:41:00 PM

Today was a bad day. Simply a bad day.

There's so much work and people to deal with. I really don't like it.

But I can go through these days because of you.

Just by talking, I'm really happy. Even though things are a little unreturned, just let me appreciate the fact that I can do that.

It makes me feel good. Good luck to the rest of my day...

I am so bloody tired, and I still have to teach later. I pray that my dear boy will be tame like a teddy bear and will not infuriate me, since I'm rather ignitable right now.

Oh yeah... my eye bags are rather permanent now. I really can't help the way I look. It's hard NOT to look at you with "eyes looking at a brat" when you ARE behaving like a brat. I mean, how many of us have actually threw tantrums like yours out in public or in front of other people? How many of us have actually given that kind of attitude that irks others?

I am not direct as a person, so I can't give you a direct comment. Here is my most direct comment and advice to you:

Grow up. You really need to. To wake up because of a conflict of others is really annoying. Really annoying. Especially when things are pretty unreasonable. And when attitude really sucks. You know? Writing this report makes me want to write! I mean, not write another report, since it's gonna give me a nightmare, and a headache, but I want to go back to writing my fictions. I still have several unfinished documents with drafts of stories I was about to post onto the internet.

I just finished my report. I'm tired after writing it, as perfectly as I can (well, I gotta admit, there's a bit of cheating), but it's a satisfying piece of work. But knowing me, I sometimes disappoint myself when the marks come back to me.

Well, I pray for optimism. I want to succeed. I want to be able to prove something. And I wish for the best.

Thursday, July 15, 2010 . 7/15/2010 02:44:00 AM

Since I'm extremely tired, and feeling extremely unwell, and it's extremely late in the night (or extremely early in the morning), I shall keep this entry brief.

I'm feeling crazy writing this report, but I chose this topic, so I'm not exactly complaining too much about it.

I'm feeling totally crank out that my OTHER assignment is not done. And I intend to finish it tomorrow during my break.

I'm feeling totally satisfied that I've done so much for the aforementioned report, but NOT satisfied because I'm not done with it.

I'm feeling happy that I've done something I wouldn't have normally done. And I'm certainly not regretting it, despite breaking my vow for it.

That ends my entry tonight.

Goodnights to the World out there.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 . 7/13/2010 10:39:00 AM

I'm feeling down. I need my sleep. I don't want to go for classes later. I don't want to go to work later. I don't want to do my assignments. I don't want to do the assignments that are depriving me of sleep. 

I'm so tired I'm feeling sick and cranky and depressed. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open through the lecture just now. I'm so tired I can barely think. I'm so tired I can just shut down right here and now.

That's it. I really can't concentrate on my work right now. I'm zoning out. 

Out. 

I need my novels. It's been ages since I read, and right now, I've only finished two pathetic chapters in two days, when in the same period of time, I would have finished it. But assignment demands me attention, hence the half hour read set aside before my sleep.

Romance... It's been a long while since I read some. As most people know me, I prefer action and fantasy, but this particular romance novels attracted me because of it's wedding themes. I've always been attracted to them. Hehe. 

Hopefully, with the rate I'm going, I can finish this particular novel by the end of the month, so I can buy the second book. 

Assignments! ASSIGNMENTS!!

Monday, July 12, 2010 . 7/12/2010 11:05:00 PM

My stomach is clenched with nervousness as I go through the schedule this week. 

There are two assignments due, and I'm not exactly done with either. One requires A LOT of reading, while the other, I simply have no idea how to do. 

It's only Monday going on Tuesday, and I'm a wreck right now. 

The stomachache ain't going away:(

How am I going to concentrate on studying when practically everyday I spent on assignments?

My eyes are tired.

Which isn't good, since it's only been an hour since I started on that bloody essay. The only good thing is, at least I've wrote close to 350 words, according to my trusty word count.

My neck is getting a bit sore from sitting up straight, 'cause the computer in the school library is a little on the high side.

Oh wells~ The bitterness of being a student in this country.

Back to work~

I can't be bothered to dress nicer today. Usually I'll make sure I look presentable, but today, I'm just not in the mood to think about clothes. Just a T-shirt and a pair of shorts, which makes me look sloppy, now that I see myself out of the bathroom. 

Heck. I have only 10 minutes to get myself ready for school, and I'm still here, typing for my blog. It doesn't help that my bout of insomnia gave me this sluggishness this morning. 

What a start of the week. I do hope it's not as unlucky as last week. 

Sunday, July 11, 2010 . 7/11/2010 10:45:00 PM

How I wish someone could give me motivating quotes everyday to continue this until graduation...

I'm not sure I can hang on, despite everybody telling me I won't fail.

I'm honestly thinking I might fail. 

So tired...

So exhausted...

So weak...

So demoralised...

Fatigue is really making me feel extremely drained. I really can't understand how people willingly keep themselves awake till the dead of the night, while the rest of us are forced to do that same thing rushing through tasks given to us. 

I really have no idea how to counter that pounding headache of mine, other than through the medicinal way of paracetamol, but I'm not taking those pills, 'cause the sight of them makes me feel like puking them out. 

Okay. I'm making myself sleep. Waking up bloody early to do my work. Which hopefully can be accomplished...

Good night, the World out there. 

Saturday, July 10, 2010 . 7/10/2010 10:07:00 PM

I long for some free time to read some novels. 

I miss the times where I can just lie on my bed and read for hours.

I miss the times where I don't have to scan through words just to look for information.

I miss the times where I can truly enjoy the world that is not mine...

I'm back. Haven't wrote for a few days because of my oh-so-tight deadlines, which, thank God, are postponed. Which still means I have to dedicate my weekends to studying and researching. 

The previous tests have given me a wake-up call. My studying isn't good enough. I have to buck up. I HAVE to graduate. 

Tired is not an excuse, but it is a fact. But Mummy can never understand why studying is more tiring than working... her type of working. 

I'm becoming the mugger I never used to be...

Wish me all the best!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010 . 7/07/2010 01:13:00 AM

21 Guns
Green Day

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Labels: lyrics

I've mentioned many times my dislike for the other gender. But since I've got so many hunters looking for preys in a form of gossip, I shan't do that.

I'll just 'vent' my frustrations.

I DON'T LIKE (SOME) GUYS.

This comes at a time when I was equally frustrated with someone, but not to the extend of the above, since that someone is still someone I respect, albeit the few complaints I have. So don't misunderstand.

Let me 'vent' some more.

I REALLY DON'T LIKE (SOME) GUYS.

I don't feel much better. And I think I might get into trouble... oh, but who cares? My life couldn't get any worse, can it?

I'm a failure anyway.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010 . 7/06/2010 10:34:00 AM

I'm in the library, where it's cold and making me even more miserable than I already am, hungrier than I already am, and making me angrier with myself than I already am.

Any moment now, I could burst into tears, but the thought of humiliating myself in a room full of strangers is... well, humiliating, when I'm feeling so humiliated with those results of mine.

And within these two weeks, I have a mountain of work to do, and it doesn't help that the holidays are in a few weeks time, and exams are after that. It makes me feel overwhelmed.

I have an assignment due in three days, and it doesn't help that the first thing I see when I log on is see my lecturer put this up:

"Start working on your assignments.
Cheers!"

Totally not cute at all.

And it doesn't help that I'm still rushing through the same report that was postponed, if I'm not wrong, the third time...

Monday, July 5, 2010 . 7/05/2010 09:34:00 PM

I'm still down from last week. And I'm expecting bad news. Not too bad a bad news either. It'll just mean I'll have extra classes, since I'm not great with Sciences.

I'm just too tired. Never got to sleep last night, and my eye bags are getting bigger each day.

Tired...

I'll get a proper entry done... Once I'm done with my entries.

Got that lil' skip in the heart, but should I be happy for unreturned feelings? How 'nice' of you. Really.

Let's just say, after this, I'm not gonna look at you with the same eyes.

Saturday, July 3, 2010 . 7/03/2010 05:57:00 AM

I've been saying for weeks that I need to cut my hair, to the horror of my best friends (who describe me as having ever-changing hair nowadays).

But after such a bad week, I feel the impulse to just bus straight to Hougang and snip away those offending lengths of hair. It's not very long anyway, but too long and heavy and frustrating for me.

I'm too used to having short hair now.

And I noticed more and more people are chopping off their long locks of hair. Why ah? Spies. Spies. Spies. Spies. Spies. I'm totally in heavy downpour mood. No thunder. No lightning. Just lot of dark clouds and rain.

It all indicates disappointment and, well, I don't say sadness, but it's not happy.

I had a bad week. Well, I didn't look like I had a bad mood either, but it was a bad week for me.

Dealt with terrible test results while surrounding classmates were acing those same papers. Dealt with deadlines that happened to be postponed. Dealt with people I'd rather not deal with. Dealt with a little boy I haven't seen in ages and still has the power to annoy me more than my brothers together. Dealt with not having enough money. Haven't deal with the father who has to send said money to me soon. Dealt with angry thoughts to myself.

I'm really punishing myself. Yet, there's no way I can improve. I really don't get it. Don't get it. Don't get it.

I would have been slightly happier if not for my extremely desolate mood. Oh wells~ That's not important.

Thursday, July 1, 2010 . 7/01/2010 02:39:00 AM

Spent time with my Pandas today:)

By studying! Or rather, Charmander studied for her English proficiency test for her university entry, Squirtle stoned, and I did my research and P&ID. And Duck studied her Chemistry when she came later.

It's been a while since I spent time with the bestest friends ever.

It nearly took my mind of the fact that I have some terrible assignment due on Friday and a retest to study for, also on Friday. It made me nervous thinking of all that, and I worked my mind and butt off for that assignment. Tomorrow I'm just gonna ignore my assignment and study for the retest. It's kinda more important to me, but I think I might end up being screwed. My Opera browser is filled with pages of information that I thought my computer might hang.

I heard the ghostly laugh again. It's been a while since I last heard it. This time is like the first time. The deep laugh of a man. And this time I was wide awake, not lying in a sleeping position. Prayers immediately went off in my head.

I need to sleep. I really need to. Please let me sleep immediately. This is a really disorganized entry.




A little note in the corner:
I'm wondering... just who are you?