Wednesday, June 30, 2010 . 6/30/2010 02:47:00 AM

It's been a while since I cried. Full-blown crying. The last time that happens, it would be during the end-of-semester exams, and I usually can't take the stress.

It's not a proud fact that I'm known as a crybaby, despite the fact that I'm usually the 'counselor' or 'mother' among my friends. I'm emotional about many things, yet it's hard to me to 'feel' for it. 

I think I have better control of my tear glands now, but it still doesn't rule out that I might just still cry in public (which is usually in the toilet). But I think it's also quite a bad thing. 

Crying is a way of de-stressing. I don't know about what other people say, but it's been proven anyway. When I cry, I feel I've let go some sort of burden within myself. It's like I've loosen the tightness that would've continue to tighten itself within me while I criticise myself. 

Now that I can't cry, I feel like what's inside it choking me. I'm in my own personal space, yet I can't let go. I'm being really hard on myself, and despite attempts to encourage myself, I tend to disappoint and reprimand myself again and again. 

I'm not sure whether I can be as happy and carefree as when I was a little girl, but right now, I just want to be as stress-free as possible. I know it's impossible to be stress-free, and a little stress is proven to be good, but I don't want to feel like the ground below the Leaning Tower of Pisa.