Friday, May 7, 2010 . 5/07/2010 10:42:00 PM

Too tiring. When was the last time I really rested well? Even when I was sick, I was more worried about the burden and gossips caused by my absence than my own body. Maybe that's why it took quite some time for me to fully recover. I'm so tired that I'm not thinking straight most of the time in classes and other times when I'm supposed to be thinking. 

Well, it's making me feel stupid too. I know I'm not very smart, but the fact that my brain isn't bringing up anything relevant during classes is really degrading. And somehow, I ended up mute in my lessons, unable to answer anything, mostly panicking at the back of my mind. 

I don't think most people in my class feel that way. But it's extremely pressurizing to be at the bottom of the class, and disgraceful to me. People are always looking down at you or pitying you, and I absolutely hate that. It's somewhat embarrassing.

I'm hoping my brothers don't follow my path. They should be better off with their lives, and enjoying it, instead of moping about like me. But then again, they have a more optimistic outlook than me.