Tuesday, May 25, 2010 . 5/25/2010 11:40:00 PM

I don't like the feeling of nervousness. It makes me feel unsure, unsettled, and unnerved. It makes me more clumsy than ever. And it makes my heart beat fast, eyes darting about, hands shake and face feel hot. And maybe feel like throwing up because of the butterflies in the tummy?

I get it all the time anyway. During presentations, during experiments, during class when you're being called upon, blah blah blah. 

And it doesn't help that I have a lot of bad luck to expend to being with. When those two mix, it's the perfect recipe for a breakdown.

Which happens a lot in my poly year. 

I honestly chose the wrong course. I've said this before umpteen times but I don't feel it hurts to mention again. There're so many courses for me to choose from for my love of writing... and imagination. There's Mass Comm, which I missed by a single point. There's Media and Comm too. And maybe I should have dropped out as soon as this course came out in my 2nd year, Creative Writing for TV and New Media. Not a feasible choice for the latter though, since I have to think that Mummy's saying for my brothers' education as well. 

Then I thought, with the number of relatives having graduated and worked with various degrees and experience of accounting, I'm always asking myself, why didn't I take that? I would have survived it much better. 

Basically, I would have survived being in an arts course than a science course. 

Ever since I started on Chem Eng, I couldn't see myself continuing in this field of work. Really. And ever since then, I could never look at pipes the same I did before. 

Well, before I get into how much I can't stand studying this course, I better tear myself away from this entry and concentrate on listening to a particular program for my experiment tomorrow. 

This is a prayer I learnt back in my Catholic secondary school, that, even if I don't exactly know much about the significance (just a rough idea), but never fails to give me a sense of comfort. Well, there's supposed to be a "Our Father" prayer in front, but it doesn't have the same effect as "Hail Mary". By the way, I'm not a Christian nor a Catholic. Just a simple Atheist who is a little influenced by the religions of Christ. 

Hail Mary, full of grace!

The Lord is with you,

Blessed are you amongst women

And blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

Pray for us sinners, now

And at the hour of our death.

Amen.