Thursday, May 6, 2010 . 5/06/2010 01:36:00 AM

Glee and Kana Nishino are on my playlist this days. Kana because of her "Best Friend" single, which spoke of all the words I could ever said to my beloved darlings. Glee because recently I found a nice rendition video of "Don't Stop Believing" and that got me started on Glee-sics. Again. 

I'm so tired. Working and schooling sometimes don't go together. And my work is so mild.

People are so lucky they don't have to work for money. People are so lucky they aren't born poor [Actually no. But it's a fact that I'm poor. In Singapore. Not India. This always gets me into an argument. But no bad feelings in the end:)] People are so lucky that their parents are so careful with their money.

Unfortunately, luck doesn't run in my family. Really, it doesn't. When luck actually happens to me, I foresee and ominous event that might haunt me for a time. 

The only thing I'm fortunate to have is the loving family and dear friends I have. Without them, I'd be an empty shell, wondering about this world endlessly, or I might have done something to end my life which might have happened long ago if not for the love of these people pulling me back to reality. 

Sometimes, I like to examine my life. I don't have a lot of friends. And even that small group of friends I have, there are few I could trust with my life. I can't be myself without them. Really. Sometimes, I feel like a burden to them, but at the end, they always don't mind and talks always lead to a relief off my shoulders. Likewise, my arms and ears are always open to these people who are like the sisters I could never have. 

I've seen friends who come and go. Some who've left for reasons known. Some, no. Some left gradually. Others, in a blink. Some left to other parts of the country and world. Few left for the other world. Eventually, I know these close friends of mine would leave my side (they already left in some ways), but deep in my heart, they'll always have a special place in the organ. 

My mission: To make friends with some people.

I've met some of the nicest and funniest people around. And I noticed even more that they have a few interests that are similar to mine. Unfortunately, with my shy personality, untouchable air, permanent scowl, rather fake smile, I'm rather unapproachable. Sometimes, I wish I could go up to them and say, "Hey! Wanna go for lunch sometime?" But... it seems rather impossible and extremely weird to suddenly just pop up like that. 

I really really REALLY want to be friends with them. 

Stupid reticence.