Monday, March 15, 2010 . 3/15/2010 03:09:00 AM

Weird... I was just packing my old and current lecture notes into plastic bags, so my family could move it back to the old house in the morning, when I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. It was one of those "unemotional crying" that you usually see in anime and stuff. 

But is it really just 'unemotional'?

Packing those... things got me started on thinking about school.

Since the start of holidays, I've been trying to forget about school. I've been having serious thoughts about dropping out of school. Sometimes, even meeting my classmates feels so painful, that I somehow avoid meeting them just so I don't have to think about school. 

I've been drowning myself in writing, reading and watching anime. Along with avoiding home, since I was having a cold war with my mother. I thought going to school was supposed to be an enjoyable experience to me. Adults always say schooling is the most enjoyable period in life, but I'm feeling so depressed... and humiliated. About the latter, maybe I said that because I feel so disappointed and embarrassed with myself that I'm not as perfect as everyone else, in every other aspect. I just can't find one thing good about myself. Academically. Personality. Talent. I just can't find anything good about myself.

I'm always a burden to people and I myself am a bad person, who's acting like a good person and a victim. I'm a monster in the coat of a meek and gentle sheep. Not a good monster either.

Like someone said to me recently, I'm a "good-for-nothing".