Tuesday, February 9, 2010 . 2/09/2010 12:28:00 AM

I'm so disappointed. Didn't go to school today because of this excruciating chest pain. I had to pretend to be asleep 'cause I didn't want Mum to worry. It kinda spread to my back. Is that normal? Thank god it subsided enough so I can meet up with my classmates to discuss our presentation.

I've been plagued by a runny nose too. I'm so afraid of being sick during CNY that when I went out, I bought a bottle of water to drink. Clear my system. The memory of spending CNY in the hospital haunts me to this day. Especially that bloody painful blood-drawing incident. And the terrible and painful feeling of having a high fever one moment, and normal temperature the next, and having it shoot up again and so on. I've never been sick for so long, it's kinda a record for me to be sick for 8 days straight and ruining my CNY. Usually I'm only sick for about 2 days.

I just have this tingling feeling about  my aunt asking me whether I'm free tomorrow. 

Okay... I know from my grandparents that my father is coming back tomorrow. Ye... ah. What is he gonna give me and my brothers again? Is my allowance gonna come on time this year? And now that he know that I'm pretty unhappy in school, will he give me a talk? Coming from someone who only had an education high of secondary school level... I'm not sure whether I willing to listen.

Gosh! I feel so bad, but it's hard not to be. Everyone who knows me well enough knows I have little respect for my father. Don't get me wrong, but I'm one who's brought up to respect anyone who's older than me, but that person has done certain unspeakable stuff that I'd rather not talk about. And the many many unhappy moments in my primary school and secondary school life were caused by him. Not living up to his expectations and angering him was something all three of us siblings feared. I'm more so for the former (read: academic results).

My 'favourite' incident was him scolding us three in public for buying plates of chicken rice for $3 and he reprimanded loudly about how he could whipped up the dish for less than the amount we paid altogether. Okay, maybe that's because he was in China for quite a long time, and the stuff in said country are dirt cheap compared to our country. But it's embarrassing! Even my mum and maid felt so! 

Although I have an intense dislike for him, whenever he's near us, I have to be civil with him, because of the respect code I was taught. Plus I do know that he cared for me. There's guilt there, but... you know. 

You know? This is random, but mum likes to ask me this question every other month: "Will you invite your father to your wedding?"

Tough question to answer, since I do love my paternal side of the family, despite him. I'll leave this for the future to take place. Now's not the time.