Wednesday, January 20, 2010 . 1/20/2010 08:55:00 PM

Today is probably one of the bad days of the week. With a small stroke of good luck (something which I unfortunately don't really have the fortune of getting it often). 

It's rather uncomfortable when other people talk about stuff that you don't like to hear, and they continue as though... okay, it's not their fault. It's normal, isn't it? But then, it made me feel all crushed up inside, and I feel... dumber than ever. 

Today, I saw in a mirror how I looked like. I'm a complainer. I'm an idiot. I'm selfish. I'm someone who don't deserve the good things I have in life. What I saw, was a very ugly person. And obviously, I don't like it. 

I talked to a teacher today, and it's rather comforting. She helped me see the stuff I'm doing wrongly, and what I needed to do as well. She also brought up some suggestion which I considered long ago, but never had the courage to proceed: transferring class. It's rather appealing, but at the same time, intimidating. I'll just try to weigh out the pros and cons again.

Many years ago, I could still just storm up my feelings into my piano. Now, my piano is gone, and all I had was music. It just doesn't have the same level of comfort. I feel like I've bottled up so much within myself, there were many times I felt like bursting. Anger, sadness, glee, pride, jealousy, confusion, and etcetera etcetera etcetera. I can't reveal all these anymore. 

Isn't it ironic? I'm a person my friends could depend on emotionally, but the other way round is rather impossible.