Monday, January 25, 2010 . 1/25/2010 09:48:00 PM

"I don't want to go to school!"

I've said this so many times, I can't remember when I started saying this except I know it started back in secondary school. It's frustrating, this sentence. I remember I hated secondary school. Then now, I'm reminded I'm not in love with poly as well.

This leaves me frustrated. Frustrated from "I'm not good enough." Frustrated from "I'm such a stupid person." Frustrated from "Everyone else is better than me." No wonder people bully me so easily, with my super low sense of self-worth and confidence. I'm probably a good gossip topic as well. 

I can't understand how my brain works. It's not like everyone else. There's so much negativity and lacks the positivity that I want. It's always against and not for, for me. Why can't I think on the bright side? Why can't I stop thinking about certain things that may or may not happen?Why can't I stop worrying about stuff? When can I ever feel good about myself? And maybe this last point is always stuck with me: Why can't I just ask? Seriously, there just isn't power within me to ask. 

Just let me keep on dreaming...